How to Find the Prize in Moments Like Miscarriage
Have you ever been so disappointed by the way your life was turning out that Bible verses like 1 Thessalonians 5:18 which say, “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you,” just felt like a heartless slap in the face of your pain? Like how could God not care about your suffering? Does He expect you to suck it up, put a smile on your face, and pretend that you’re fine? Maybe I’m the only one who wonders these things, but I doubt it.
Last year I experienced a miscarriage. Losing that baby left a scar on my heart and amid my sorrow and overwhelming grief, I wrestled with “why?” Why would God take the miracle child we had prayed for? Why was God allowing this devastating loss? Where was God? Did He even see me? Did He even care?
As I internally processed these heavy doubts, I had beloved and well-meaning friends quote scriptures to me like Romans 8:28, “God works all things for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purposes.” While their timing might have chafed at my raw wounds, the truth of that verse was not less true because I was neck-deep in my grief and didn’t want to hear Bible verses when I was angry at God for allowing my suffering.
Three months after my loss, I found myself sitting in a small church listening to the memorial service at my aunt’s funeral. As I grieved the loss of yet another loved one who was fervently prayed for, I found that at this same memorial service, I had the chance to catch up with a cousin who had strayed away from the church.
As I spoke with her, she revealed that she had recently experienced a miscarriage and was grieving. It’s funny how sometimes healing and answers come in the form of braving vulnerability and engaging in painful, but meaningful conversations. I shared with her some of my own struggles that I was processing through after my miscarriage, but I also told her about my source of hope and comfort in the midst of my grief. I shared how Jesus’ heart was for her, how He loved her, how He promised never to orphan her (John 14:14-18), and that He knew her pain and grieved with her (Hebrews 4:15-16).
As I spoke these words of comfort, a spirit of peace came over me. It was like I could finally see the soothing balm the Holy Spirit had been engulfing me in even amid my doubts, fears, and anger. Looking back I could see clearly that had I never walked through the misery of losing a much-wanted baby, I never would have been able to share the gospel with my cousin in a way her heart was desperate to accept. It was like Jesus was reassuring me that even though I had experienced a time of sorrow and mourning, He was in fact working all things out for my good and He was even working out good through my testimony.
Today I know that living a life full of gratitude, of giving thanks in all seasons, doesn’t mean I slap a fake smile on and mask my true feelings. It doesn’t mean I hide my anger, fear, or grief from God. What it means is that I know that this season has a beautiful blessing in it even if my human senses have yet to behold what that is.
I know now that even when I experience great trials—and let me tell you, my life seems to be marked by those—there is an invaluable prize being wrought in my soul. I have learned that verses like 1 Thessalonians 5:18 are not heartless, or inconsiderate, but an invitation and a reminder that even in the middle of our deepest valleys, there are still reasons to give thanks.
I don’t give thanks for the pain or pretend that I am something that I’m not; instead, I give thanks for the beauty this season will one day bring because I know God will work it out for my good and His glory.
Meet Annie Hutchison
Annie Hutchison spent over 20 years battling mental illness before she was miraculously healed from a disorder with no known cure. In 2019, Annie began writing down all of the lessons and practices that she had learned with the hope that her transformation story might enable others to heal from mental illness as well. In 2022, Annie published her first book, a fusion of memoir and self-help titled, Through Dark Places. Annie is passionate about inspiring others to seek Jesus and find healing.
Where to find her . . .
Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.
If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.
