How to Fight Entitlement with Gratitude
My kids, who are now young adults, have occasionally given me a hard time about not allowing them to watch certain movies or TV shows when they were growing up. Too much violence? Too much bad language? Nope. Too much entitlement.
It’s true. In my opinion, the entitlement attitudes portrayed in many kids’ shows can be even more dangerous than the violence portrayed. Even if the motivation behind the script writing is to portray an over-the-top self-centered attitude in order to show how terrible it is, our kids don’t always have the maturity to make that discernment for themselves. They just see a kid on the screen who is often getting his own way and is getting lots of laughs and attention for it. Whether or not the intention is to make entitlement look cool and fun for kids, that’s what seems to happen.
So, yes, there were certain shows I didn’t let my kids watch when they were little. Or if we did watch them together, I would at least acknowledge to my children what I was seeing in those characters on the screen, and I invited their input, as well. I believe this helped my children learn to practice some of their own discernment.
Why was this aspect such a big deal to my husband and me? We believe that entitlement and self-focus lead to lives of selfishness, comparison, and unhappiness. Above all, these are not the attitudes that Jesus wanted us to have. In fact, Philippians 2:3-8, says quite the opposite:
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, as He already existed in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but emptied Himself by taking the form of a bond-servant and being born in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death: death on a cross.
Our world seems to be more and more all about self, and our children are growing up under the influence of things like:
Do what’s best for YOU.
YOU deserve it.
Do what makes YOU happy.
YOU do YOU.
Live YOUR truth. (What does that even mean?!)
How to combat an entitlement mentality
These mantras are getting louder and louder, and we as parents must help guide our children through them. So how do we combat this mentality? I believe that gratitude is one of our greatest weapons against entitlement. Gratitude has the power to shift our focus and make us more aware of the blessings we already have. Gratitude goes beyond being thankful for material possessions; it is a mindset that raises up within us an appreciation for both the tangible and the intangible.
When I was very young and first learning how to pray, I was taught to start with thanksgiving—thanking God for a new day, for my family, my friends, my health, my home. And even more so, I thanked God for His forgiveness and love and salvation. The practice of acknowledging all that I already possessed, before coming to the Father with questions or requests, provided a framework for prayer that has not only influenced my relationship with God but also my relationships with the people in my life.
In Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, He told people to seek Him and His Kingdom first—even before we concern ourselves with what we will eat or drink or wear. He knows what we need, and when we pursue God above all else, He promises that we will have all that we need. We don’t need to demand it or try to make it happen on our own. Then, when we continually see God’s faithfulness in provision for us, our natural response will be one of gratitude, not entitlement. We will also grow in contentment, coming to rest in the fact that God is the One who determines what we need.
Take a few minutes to consider the place that gratitude has in your life. Is it natural? Is it evident? Is it a habit? And if you are a parent, is gratitude something in your life that is obvious to your children? Do they replicate it?
Gratitude can actually become a discipline that we practice—one that we demonstrate to our children in order to help them cultivate gratitude in their own lives. Speaking it, writing it, acknowledging it, posting it on the wall . . . There are so many ways to bring gratitude to light and make a big deal out of it! I believe so strongly that we parents must be intentional about teaching this to our children. But we can’t teach them something we don’t understand and put into practice ourselves. It’s not just our kids who struggle with feelings of entitlement. We need to keep ourselves in check, too. Let’s fight entitlement with gratitude.
Always start with gratitude.
Note:
I’ve created a free resource, “How to Help Kids Embrace Gratitude (and Look Beyond Themselves),” to help families with some practical and easy steps to take together to embrace a life of gratitude.
The Gratitude Guide includes:
- 25 Ways Your Family Can Serve Others
- 14 Ways to Help Your Family Gain Awareness of Others
- 14 Ways to Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude in Your Family
- 12 Scripture Passages to Encourage Gratitude and Thinking of Others
If you are looking to help instill an attitude of gratitude in yourself and your family members, I hope that you will take advantage of this complimentary resource and put it to use. (Sign up here to receive it.) Then I’d love to hear your stories about it!
I’ve also written a series of posts on gratitude, which you can read here.
Meet Carrie Bevell Partridge
Carrie Bevell Partridge has a heart to see families grow in relationship with each other and with God the Father. She and her husband Kevin have been married for 24 years—time that has been marked by their desire to follow Jesus and make disciples through college ministry, church planting, leading house churches, and parenting. They have five children, two of whom they adopted from Colombia in 2016.
Carrie is a writer who focuses on words of encouragement and support for marriage and family; she writes about her own family experiences and what God is teaching her through them. Her column, “Growth Spurts: Growing Through Motherhood,” appeared in Parents & Kids Magazine for a decade, and she continues to be a regular contributor to the publication. She has also contributed to the Ministry to Parents blog and has had articles published in BabyLife and ParentLife magazines. She is a contributing author to The Favor of Forgiveness: Find Yourself Again devotional book, and she is in the process of writing a book on seizing teachable moments with your kids in everyday life. You can read her work on carriebevellpartridge.com, where you can also subscribe to her emails.
Where to find her . . .
Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.
If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.
Creating Ripples
If you would like to cultivate rhythms in addition to gratitude that will empower you live on mission in your neighborhood, check out Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors. This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase the book.
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