How to Cultivate Happiness That Hinges on Honesty
Honesty leads to happiness. It’s as simple as that, spelled out right here in Psalm 32:2. I draw a box around the words but they truly invite us to soul-fulfilling freedom.
How happy are those who no longer lie, to themselves or others.
– The Voice
The word order feels purposeful because I’d guess you have a bent towards honesty in your work habits and interpersonal relationships. If you tell a white lie it’s with good intent–to protect people or maintain peace.
The stuff we say to ourselves though? The mistruths and half-truths and flat-out lies that speak shame and unworth? I don’t usually think of it as lying.
We give self-talk its own category and unreined license to belittle and badger. Under labels like inner critic, perfectionism, and people-pleasing, these self-directed lies appear safe.
But maybe we’ve normalized lying to ourselves about who we are and what we’re worth. Perhaps we’ve underestimated the impact of repeating self-condemnation and sharp comparisons, of setting inhuman standards of perfection, of marking our success (or lack of) with effort and efficiency rather than character and surrender.
And we feel scarceness, smallness, purposelessness, and discontentment in place of actual happiness.
Reflect, Not Deflect
During last year’s #ThankSomebody gratitude challenge, I realized that it can be a whole lot harder to receive thanks than to give it. As I dug deeper, I uncovered how quick I am to deflect attention, dismiss a compliment, and entertain defeating self-talk.
God kept pressing on that unrest and ache, reminding me that we are to look like Him so we can point all praise back to Him. It aligns with His missional heart that we would bring Him close to the people around us through mirroring His character traits. That He would fill the earth with glory in part through you and I.
I adopted “reflect” as my 2024 word of the year as a reminder to reflect Jesus like a mirror rather than deflect what’s meant to bring Him glory.
Reflect has multiple meanings. Perhaps self-reflection, as when journaling, comes to mind first. But reflect also means to copy, imitate, emulate.
The invitation to emulate Jesus is laced through Paul’s words in 1 Cor. 11:1: “So imitate me, watch my ways, follow my example, just as I, too, always seek to imitate the Anointed One” (The Voice). It’s kindness and up-closeness, how God fulfills His mission through actual people.
Perhaps He knows we need someone right next to us to follow. Someone tangibly human yet tethered to God. Someone who fails and forgives–others, indeed, but also themselves–knowing full well they are freely forgiven.
Living, Honest Examples
The people around you don’t need a perfect example, but an honest one. One quick to name the correct Hero–always God. One confident enough to fail in front of others so God gets the glory when He picks her back up. One honest enough to name, not hide, the ways God is still growing, pruning, and gently guiding her.
As we talked about last week, when we accept Jesus’s welcome and name Him Lord of our life, we are cloaked in His robes of righteousness. Pure Jesus is what God sees when He looks at us.
But what about the people we encounter, in our neighborhoods and online? Do they see an impeccable exterior but hypocritical heart? Or do they see someone with a tender, humble heart, imperfectly but consistently pointing to Christ?
As I’ve been walking out with Jesus since around this time last year, I can’t honestly reflect Him when I give permission to silent, self-directed lies. Why?
Self pity.
Self blame.
Self dismissal.
Self denial.
They all center on self. Both elevating and devaluing self takes our focus off of Jesus.
Reflect spins me towards the mirror, towards soul-bare honesty about what I believe of both God and me, so I can mirror His ways, His words, His character and nature.
Reflect is invitation to unearth the ways I don’t truly trust that my worthiness is wholly dependent on Him.
Reflect is a wide open welcome to linger and listen and lean on Him—because how can I mirror what I’m not familiar with? How can I adopt His nature if it’s foreign to me?
Our Life Purpose
When God shifts everything around in our hearts, it’s with intent to heal and generous empathy. And most often the work God does in us is meant for more than us.
What began as a word of the year—a reminder on my phone lock screen to reflect, not deflect—worked its way into this year’s gratitude challenge. The #ReflectJesus challenge is opportunity for both of us to steep in deep truths about God’s nature, to name and encourage people in our lives who reflect Jesus back to us in these specific ways, and to invite God’s re-arranging, re-defining work in our own lives.
We behold Him so we become more like Him.
Repeat what’s true until we believe it.
Steep in the wonder of His nature until we can’t help but to praise Him.
As we pivot from self-pity, self-dismissal, and critical self-talk to giving God His due glory–His truth seeps into our fractures and ripples out beyond us. And what deeper happiness can we know than when we step into our life purpose to know God and share Him, everywhere we go?
Practicing Honesty
But honesty is honestly not easy. I’ll leave you with a couple of my favorite resources to cultivate honest conversations with Jesus about what stands between you and Him.
Stuff I’d Only Tell God by Jennifer Dukes Lee. My copy is well-loved (read: battered and falling apart). This guided journal has been instrumental in teaching me surrender and transparency.
Sacred Prayer by Ann Voskamp. It released just a couple weeks ago and it’s already another favorite. I bring the honesty I’ve learned from Stuff I’d Only Tell God to the page.
This too is a guided journal–a 90-day journey through the SACRED way Ann welcomes us into in WayMaker:
Stillness to know God
Attentiveness to hear God
Cruciformity to surrender to God
Revelation to see God
Examine to return to God
Doxology to worship God
These two journals, individually but especially together, will help you move towards honesty so you can approach Jesus without reservation, reflect Him clear as a mirror, and find soul-contentment in our God-given mission.
Here’s my prayer for you today:
Jesus, You see all. All the ways self gets in the way. All the ways I fail to imitate You because I’m more consumed with me than You. Thank you for grace and the gift of always-access to You. Redirect me when I withdraw or deflect what’s meant to honor You so I may lean into the mission to reflect You like a mirror.Just a friend over here in your corner,
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