How To Cope With Dementia in an Aging Parent
When you’re drowning in a sea of grief, it’s hard to feel grateful. Just over two years ago, I lost my precious mama to dementia. The world seemed to stop and one day faded into another. A few months later I felt like I was on a childhood merry-go-around but didn’t know where to get off. Grief is a process that changes from day-to-day and year-to-year. However, amid this pain, that I was completely unprepared for, I learned to be grateful.
I sought God deeply. Sometimes with the question of why did she leave this earth so early and at times with thanking Him for easing her pain. Being grateful doesn’t mean you understand, and it doesn’t mean you don’t wish them back with you, it simply means you trust God during difficult times.
When Visits Change
Many visits with Mama over the last several years were filled with laughter and the sharing of precious memories. As those memories began to fade, our visits changed. At times, I realized it was best to just listen even if it meant hearing the same story repeatedly.
When depression began to dominate Mama’s thinking, a walk among the flower gardens seemed to ease her pain. Sometimes it was a long and leisurely walk and other times a few steps before needing to return home to a place of security. Regardless, the walks made her feel important as she named all the flowers and how to care for each one.
As her balance gave way and we feared more falls, music eased her mind back to when her and daddy were dating and dancing. She beamed. Though her body didn’t allow her to jitterbug anymore, you couldn’t stop her feet from tapping.
Angry outbursts were the hardest for me to bear. My mama was one of the kindest and gentlest people I’ve ever known. Seeing her angry didn’t scare me but it saddened me because I know it was not my mama speaking . . . it was the disease.
When They’re Ready to Go
Once she had to go to the hospital, I knew her time with us was nearing the end. I remember her telling me, “Don’t wish me back. I’m ready to go. You will be okay knowing I loved you so much.”
The visits were short but I’m so glad I didn’t stay away. Even within the hospital walls, Mama and I shared pictures and sweet smiles. We couldn’t walk among the gardens, so we walked the halls and talked about her flowers. I’m grateful I was able to help my mama during her trials after all she had done to raise me. Her giving and compassionate heart flowed right into my own.
As I look back over the past couple of years, I’m reminded that God healed her from the pain. I’m thankful for all the little moments I was able to share with my mama, even in the final days. I’m grateful each time I walk among the flowers and remember her love for me.
Having hope and being grateful isn’t always easy, but it is possible.
Meet Katie Cummins
Katie Cummins is a freelance writer from Virginia. She lives on a small farm with her husband and daughters. She is a homeschooling mom who enjoys a cup of tea while writing and capturing stories on camera. She enjoys hanging out with her family and the animals.
Where to find her . . .
Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.
If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.
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If you would like to cultivate rhythms in addition to gratitude that will empower you live on mission in your neighborhood, check out Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors. This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase the book.
