How to Choose the Best Words to Believe

There is no denying the power of words to build us or break us, misguide the way we see ourselves or right our vision. Perhaps there have been words spoken to you in moments you were most vulnerable—words that wounded you, stuck with you, defined your moments since. It’s hard to love well when we don’t see ourselves as worthy of being loved. It’s hard to live given when what we’ve needed was withheld by those we trusted. Yet just as words can negatively impact us, so too can the right words heal our soul-holes and break us into freedom. Choosing the best words to believe can free us to love God, others, and ourselves well.

Perhaps you are remembering a time when words were razor sharp. Perhaps, whether or not they were spoken with this intention, those words have left their mark. You may have begun to believe them—believe that there is something wrong with you or that you will never measure up or that you always mess things up. Or perhaps you have spoken words to another that you didn’t truly mean—words you spoke because you were hurting, and hurting people often hurt others.

Words are sticky. That’s why exercising the power of choice in which words we will believe is so important. The right words can make right within us what was broken through the wrong words.

Yet how do we know which are the best words to believe? And how do we begin to actually believe them?

There are three truths that have helped me choose which words to let go of and which ones to cling heart and soul to. The words that must fall away, I’ve discovered, are not always obvious in the way they cause harm. Sometimes they appear to be good words. They might motivate us, pushing us to hustle towards the best version of ourselves. They might tell us to make a habit of kindness, be more selfless, take one for the team. But the best words to believe don’t just make us look good on the outside, they make us whole on the inside. They don’t just make us the best versions of ourselves, they invite us to continually look more like God in every facet of our lives.

Let’s take a look at the first truth.

Truth #1: My identity cannot be defined by other people

To discern the best words to believe, I first acknowledge that my identity cannot be defined by other people. Well-meaning people and those who don’t have my best interest at heart still have this commonality: their words, their perspectives, their beliefs—they do not have the power to define me.

Those whose words reinforce who we are, let’s lean into those, but still with the understanding that these words can call us up into who we were made to be or remind of who we already are, but they merely point to that which already is. The best mentors and truest friends can help us see what is inside us when we don’t have the capacity to see it for ourselves. Their role is to nurture, not define. This understanding helps me give these words the appropriate influence in my life.

If even the nurturing words of others don’t define my identity, certainly words spoken with ill-intentions cannot tell me who I am. Though it’s natural to play these words on repeat in our heads, they do not serve us well. Perhaps it’s time to let go of them.

If you are carrying deep wounds from words spoken to or about you, I invite you to join me in this prayer:

Jesus, thank you that your “eyes . . . are upon even the weakest of worshippers who love [you]—those who wait in hope and expectation for the strong, steady love of God” (Psalm 33:18 TPT). Thank you that when I feel weak and broken, you see me and you say I am still beautiful in your eyes. Thank you that you never stop thinking about me, never pull back your love for me. Open my eyes to see it.

Truth #2: My identity cannot be earned

Speaking of the words that get stuck in our heads, sometimes it’s not the words of others, but our own self-talk that misdirects us. Truth #2, that my identity cannot be earned, is a paramount filter to help me see which are the best words to believe.

Often our subconscious thoughts are not concrete words. It may take some reflection and a good dose of honesty to begin to uncover the beliefs that are faulty. You might discover you’ve been letting questions like “Do I serve enough?” or “Am I loveable in spite of my performance?” drive your life. These are indicators that we are letting our actions limit the value we see in ourselves.

I struggle with perfectionism and it’s easy for me to fall into thinking that I have to always outperform myself. Every paper I wrote for school or project I oversaw at work, I thought I needed to produce even better work for the next one. I was driven to go above and beyond, always, through no expectations besides my own. But I often did it for the wrong reasons.

If you, too, are tempted to find your worth in your performance, I invite you to join me in this prayer:

Jesus, all I am is because of who you are. As I let my busy hands rest, remind me that anything I can earn is not my true identity. Soften my heart and the lines creased from worry, hurry, and hustle. May I find true rest in you so I can better hear your voice as you tell me who I am.

Truth #3: My identity is given to me by God alone

Our final truth is the most important of them all. If we cling to this truth, that our identity is given to us by God alone, we will naturally begin to believe the first two truths as well—that our identity cannot be defined by other people, nor can it be earned through our performance.

In the whirlwind of our thoughts, God-authored words bring clarity and peace. They fill us with strength, grace, and wisdom. They open wider our hearts to reciprocate God’s love, and when we love him back, we gain vision to see ourselves and those around us through his eyes. To be most wholly alive, we must choose the best words to believe, and these best words are the ones that God says about us.

Choosing the best words to believe affects us, but it doesn’t end there. The beauty of the ripple effect is that the work that God is doing in you can bring hope and healing to others around you. This is the heart of what missional living is— posturing our hearts like an open door, welcoming our neighbors into our hearts, homes, and lives so that the things God is working on inside us can ripple out in organic ways to those in close proximity to us.

So how do we hear what God says about us? One of the primary ways is through Scripture, which are God-breathed words—promises we can cling to, guidance that will direct us to a more fulfilling way of living, and glimpses deep into what moves God’s heart.

1 Thess. 1:4 reminds me that God looks at me with love. He wants me.

Dear brothers and sisters, you are dearly loved by God and we know that he has chosen you to be his very own.
(TPT)

John 4:10 reminds me that God’s love is not something I earn. It is freely and lavishly given.

This is love: He loved us long before we loved him. It was his love, not ours. He proved it by sending his Son to be the pleasing sacrificial offering to take away our sins.
(TPT)

David’s prayer in Psalm 25:6-7 reminds me that God sees me as one he cherishes and watches over.

Give me grace, Lord! Always look at me
through your eyes of love—
your forgiving eyes of mercy and compassion.
When you think of me, see me as one you love and care for.
How good you are to me!
(TPT)

Psalm 25:14 reminds me that I was created to reciprocate God’s love and he desires me to be near him.

There’s a private place reserved for the lovers of God,
where they sit near him and receive
the revelation-secrets of his promises.
(TPT)

Lastly for today, Psalm 33:4 reminds me that what God has promised I can believe to be true. His promises are the best words to believe.

For God’s Word is something to sing about!
He is true to his promises, his word can be trusted,
and everything he does is reliable and right.
(TPT)

Let’s end with one final prayer—a prayer to invite God to further reveal our true identity to us.

Jesus, you know the ways the wrongs words have torn holes in my soul. You alone can heal and make new. Lord, I don’t always know how to come near you. Today I let go of my reasons why I can’t or shouldn’t or should already have, and I come simply as me. Would you meet me here? Open my eyes to see you, to see myself as you see me, and to see those around me as also dearly loved and highly treasured by you. Help me choose the very best words to believe so your glory and light within me can bring hope and healing to those near me as well.