How to Change Your Posture When You Feel Defeated
I couldn’t ask the question; my dysregulated self became unable to utter the words demanding physical space from the person I vowed to be my forever. The only voice I could express was through tears. After a blindsiding confession to years of betrayal and addiction, my pastor mercifully stepped into my pain and helped my husband pack a bag, then walked him to the door. I didn’t know if I would ever again be able to willingly invite my husband back home.
“How did I get here? God, this is not my life?” My questions were mocked by surfacing details and an anger boiling from within.
Any self-confidence was diminished by the words, “I slept with someone else.” My limiting belief system immediately scattered seeds of doubt through half-truths rooted in my mind and concluded narratives the Enemy chose to taunt me with in my sleep. I was unaware how many seeds begin to germinate and which ones blew far from my soul as I prayed for the Holy Spirit to bring winds of change and hope. I battled the belief this mess was my fault; the failed marriage a result of my deficiencies. I believed the lie I wasn’t enough of anything to meet the worldly needs my husband was seeking. Lingering thoughts of past intimate moments with my husband were now interrupted by flawed ideas manifested by temporary fixes only fantasy or evil could create.
My posture fell into a defeated, carved-out shell that wrestled with the idea of hope and the possibility of forgiveness.
The devastation of sexual addiction and pursuit of an unwanted third party in any marriage is described as only evil can begin to touch. There’s no word that holds the weight of the burden it creates. There’s nothing more gross and further from God’s beautiful design He created marriage to be.
The groundwork God orchestrated within the timeline of my marriage separation could only be explained by grace and mercy—a symphony of Truth composed of whispers, tenderly spoken to a depleted soul.
A One-Sided Yelling Match
In Psalm 77, we read about inward trouble and reflection, temptation and darkness. Within the first few verses, you read about a sorrowful, deserted soul walking in darkness. The Psalmist found himself in such need that he was physically stretched out with his hand laid before the Lord, crying out to God for comfort and mercy.
I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, and he will hear me. In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted.
Ps 77:1–2, ESV
Many of us can relate to the physical posture, outstretched in physical pain, crying in emotional turmoil, or being betrayed by a spouse, dream, promise, family, or health. The number of marriages shattered and displaced by sexual sin is increasingly alarming, and the entry ages of exposure continue to get younger.
I found myself asking God why He allowed this to happen within our vow and how He could let my husband fall so far into sin that it would destroy our family. I was angry and embarrassed; I felt shame for my husband’s sins, violated by the filth that entered his mind and slipped past his hands. The night of the confession I tried washing off the disgust that now wore me like an article of clothing, my arms bleeding from scrubbing so hard under the scorching hot water.
Have you ever found yourself in a one-sided yelling match with Jesus? I’ve walked through multiple grief journeys, witnessing my sister take her last breath after a decade-long fight with breast cancer. There are sights and sounds that can instantly place me back in the hospital room where our family held our breath as Dad released his. The grief journeys I’ve been forced to process have held me in depression and positioned me in a posture of numbness, anger, and praise.
A Posture Change
The Psalmist made a conscious decision to turn from his pain and focus on the wonders of God. It happened for me when I was able to step back and remember what God had done and was doing in my life. My posture changed when I intentionally curled up into God’s sheltered space, which opened endless possibilities for healing to grow. The seeds of victory had been planted, and I had been given the opportunity to till the soil of my soul.
Then I said, “I will appeal to this, to the years of the right hand of the Most High. I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds.
Ps. 77:10–12, ESV
This became an antidote against the darkness that plagued me day and night. God’s promises and works He had done became a sanctuary of goodness and hope on some of the hardest days of my life.
We have the opportunity every day to enter into the hard and holy events God already promised not to leave us stranded alone to process. His presence is thick when you invite Him into your joy and sorrow.
My hands continue to be outstretched receiving undeserved grace, pursuit of my Father and blessings, too many to count. The most beautiful blessing … a reclaimed truth that I am enough for my Abba, which has left me in a posture of surrender and praise.
What does your posture look like today?
Meet Stephanie Broersma
Stephanie is not unfamiliar with crushing disappointment. She is passionate about helping and coaching women to pursue Christ while chasing wholeness and healing after her marriage betrayal. She is the founder of Reclaimed Ministry and the author of Reclaimed: Finding Your Identity After Marital Betrayal, and a 12-week curriculum designed to help brides work through their infidelity. She and her husband, Tim, live in the Pacific Northwest with their four children. When she’s not coaching, speaking, or writing, you can find her running the trails in the beautiful
Pacific Northwest.
Where to find her . . .
- Website (download the first chapter of Reclaimed!)
- Email: stephanie@reclaimedministry.com
- Snail Mail: P.O. 569, Lynden, WA 98264
Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.
If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.
