How to Be Thankful In, Not Thankful For
The music, clapping, and laughter that came in waves was too much for me. While my friends celebrated in our neighbor’s basement, I sat crying by myself in the living room above. There was no apparent reason for the tears. I was not physically hurt or emotionally wounded. All my loved ones were well, and I was not grieving any loss. Nor had I been insulted, bullied, or simply ignored.
The tears were the result of a stroke that had damaged the emotional part of my brain three months earlier. While others reveled in the festivities, I sank into sorrow. My response was not normal, but my damaged brain told me otherwise. Loud, disparate, and inconsistent sounds made me sad and weepy.
My neurologist informed me that the healthy nerve cells in my brain would eventually create new pathways and my emotional responses would return to normal, but he couldn’t tell me when. An introvert by nature, I didn’t mind spending quiet evenings at home, but prolonged times of silence were not good for my extroverted husband, and I missed my friends.
Parties were the least of my worries. Grocery stores bothered me. The mall was entirely off limits. Movies were impossible. And even church services could be a problem, depending on the music and the pastor.
Desperate for Healing
At home, I prayed more often—not because I had extra time for prayer, but because I was desperate for God to heal my brain quickly. My favorite pleas came from the Psalms. “Answer me when I call to you, my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; have mercy on me and hear my prayer” (4.1) “How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?” (13:2).
With my eyes focused on my own struggles, I was missing the joy set before me.
The apostle Paul wrote in his letter to the Philippians, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” (4:4) I wanted to rejoice, but I didn’t feel like it. I was sad, mostly tired, and at times angry. Even my own laughter had the potential to make me cry. Nonetheless, I was determined to find joy.
Turning to the concordance in the back of my Bible, I took note of all the passages containing the word rejoice. There were so many! I decided to read a couple each day.
One morning, I headed to my prayer chair and turned to 1 Thessalonians, chapter 5. “Rejoice always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (16-18). Not only was this verse telling me to rejoice always, but it was also instructing me to give thanks for all circumstances. This was too much to ask.
I read the passage again in frustration. But this time I paid closer attention to each word. That’s when the little preposition caught my eye. I was not being told to thank God for my circumstance; I was being told to give thanks in the circumstance. I didn’t have to be grateful for my stroke; I needed to be grateful that God was with me in the stroke as well as the healing process.
A Change In Attitude
That very day, I stopped reading the psalms of distress and started reading scripture passages of praise and thanksgiving. My mouth recited the uplifting words, hopeful words, grateful words, healing words. In return, my heart rejoiced in the knowledge that I was not alone. God was working all things out for my good and his glory.
Sarah Young writes in her devotional, Jesus Calling, that the best protection against trouble is thanksgiving: “Thankfulness awakens you to My Presence, which overshadows your problems.” Such truth! The more we lift our eyes to heaven in trust and gratitude, the more we experience the love and peace of Christ.
A year later, a new MRI revealed no residual evidence of a stroke in my brain. This is not normal. My new neurologist questioned what he was seeing. Pulling up my previous brain scan to compare side-by-side, he finally conceded that the damage I had experienced was no longer detectable. He may have been surprised, but I was not. With God, anything is possible.
I believe that my change in attitude, from one of despair to one of gratitude, was the balm that healed my brain. I am a better, calmer, and more thoughtful person for having experienced a stroke, and “in” and “for” that, I am most grateful.
Meet Michelle Layer Rahal
Michelle Layer Rahal is the Indie-award winning author of Straining Forward and a certified writing coach with Hope*Writers. Passionate about spiritual formation, Michelle leads women, students, and the homeless in weekly Bible studies and annual retreats. Her mission is to help others recognize and respond to God’s unique voice in their lives. She lives in the Washington, DC area with her fun-loving husband, Greg.
Where to find her . . .
Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.
If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.
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(+ 1 Simple Habit to Shift Your Direction)
If you long for deep, meaningful relationships, this is for you!
Creating Ripples
If you would like to cultivate rhythms in addition to gratitude that will empower you live on mission in your neighborhood, check out Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors. This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase the book.
