Friend, do you find it hard to be grateful when you don’t get what you want? Granted, it is easy to be grateful when our desires are met and our needs satisfied. But what about when the miracle we expected doesn’t happen, and God doesn’t give us what we want, even if it is something good? 

Grateful for Not Getting What We Want 

Why is it so difficult to be grateful for not getting what we want? To continue trusting God in the middle of it?

The problem may come from our belief that getting what we want is the path to happiness and satisfaction. For example, we think that if we enjoy good health, have a well-paid job, make a career, have success, have children, have a nice house, have a loving husband, and rarely encounter pain and hardship, we will be happy. But this is not what the Bible teaches. 

God wants us to be happy and satisfied, sure, but He wants us to find satisfaction in Him alone, not in having our desires fulfilled. He wants to bring us to the point where we can join this declaration with all our hearts: 

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights.

(Habakkuk 3:17-19, NIV)

Processing Life’s Events Through the Lens of Gratitude 

This is a powerful declaration of faith. Even if we don’t get what we want and expect, even if it doesn’t happen, we will have joy. We will rejoice in the Lord. We will overcome and move forward with Him.

Placing our trust solely in Him and perfecting our faith and character is the reason why God often doesn’t give us what we want and allows losses, pain, and suffering in our lives. He often sacrifices the lesser good for the greater good of knowing and loving Him more. 

Such declarations of faith help us process life’s events through the lens of gratitude, recognizing and being grateful for God’s not-so-obvious miracles. 

Being Grateful for God’s Miracles of Transformation 

For years, I prayed for a child and struggled with infertility, anxiety, and challenges in the marriage. As I was healing, the Lord opened my eyes to recognize and be grateful not for the miracle I didn’t receive but for the multitude of other miracles He did in me, in my life, and in my relationships. 

Gratitude kept my heart soft and opened my eyes to God’s goodness even amidst lack, pain, and heartache. 

The biggest miracle was the change in my heart. By not giving me what I so desperately wanted, God transformed my self-centered attitude to a God-centered one. I realized it is not about me and my happiness. It is about Him and His glory. 

My thinking changed, too. I began viewing my problems and disappointments not just as sources of pain, but as building blocks, as stepping stones, as training instruments, as tools to bring me freedom, healing, wholeness, and maturity, and as catalysts for growth. 

Gratitude Helps Us Experience That God Is Enough 

Once, I thought I needed to have it all to be satisfied: a thriving marriage, a perfect husband, a never-ceasing passion, my own children, youthful energy, beauty, and vigor. But these were not the cornerstones of my identity, purpose, and happiness. I didn’t need to have it all and hold it all. 

All I needed was to hand it all over to the One who could handle it all. I traveled the painful journey of surrender and loss to gain a stable foundation of peace, wholeness, and satisfaction not dependent on my circumstances. Practicing gratitude helped me to live not only knowing but experiencing that God was enough, and if I had Him and His love, I had everything. 

Note: To find out more about why we can still be grateful even when we don’t get what we want, check out Hadassah’s book SATISFIED: Why Getting What We Want Is Not the Answer.

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Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.

If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.