How to Grow Your Marriage Garden With Gratitude
“C’mon, Leslie. Lowe’s is having a big plant sale. You want to go with me?”
My friend Diane is a gardening guru. She could stick a sprig of holly in a bucket of sand and grow her own wreath.
Much as I adore my friend, I couldn’t share her enthusiasm for a trip to the home improvement store. Any shrub I’d buy would just end up in my yard waste bin a few weeks later.
Still, my friend has taught me one lesson: if you understand a plant’s basic needs—the type of soil, amount of sunlight and water—and nurture them consistently, a seedling will thrive.
Marriage works the same way. Gratitude, I’ve discovered, is one of those vital elements for growing strong relationships. Without it, they’ll wither as surely as a chrysanthemum in a closet.
Ever feel out of sorts?
Last week, I felt out of sorts—anxious, tired, and prickly. My husband and I own a small business, so when we lost an important sale and took a big tax hit, I let my frustration with the job follow me home, morphing into unspoken resentment of him, as if he’d caused my misery on purpose. Wrapped in my pity pashmina, I didn’t much care that he might be exhausted and stressed out, too.
I craved some “me” time to zone out from the day. After making dinner and cleaning up the dishes (heavy sigh), I finally collapsed on the couch with dogs and earbuds to listen to a chapter or two of my latest audiobook.
A little later, my husband called to me from upstairs, “Are you coming to bed?”
“Yeah, I’ll be right there,” I mumbled, with no intention of retiring any time soon. By the time I finally joined him, he was asleep, of course. I felt the tiniest twinge of regret.
The next day, I noticed he was walking painfully, hunched over.
“What’s the matter?” I asked.
“I tweaked my back yesterday.” he said. “I was hoping you could rub it for me last night.”
Ouch. A karate chop of guilt nearly doubled me over, as well.
In Philippians 1:3, Paul writes, “I thank my God every time I remember you.” Not only hadn’t I been thanking God for my husband, but I’d been selfishly withholding affection and appreciation while I fed and watered my lousy mood.
I resolved to do better.
Nurture gratitude. Grow your marriage.
“Lord,” I prayed, “you gave me this good man to love. I really am grateful. Teach me to live out my gratitude to you and to him for all he is and does for our family.”
I started a mental list, thanking God specifically for the things I love about my guy:
- The thoughtful way he listens when someone comes to him with a problem.
- His honesty. The man can’t lie.
- The warm, lined vest he bought me for my chilly winter walks.
- The utmost integrity with which he runs our business.
- His willingness to take on thankless tasks without complaint or hesitation.
- His hand, always reaching for mine, even in public.
- The way he takes care of our cars, so I don’t have to worry.
- The unshakable dependability of his commitment to me.
- His laugh. God, thank you—I’ll never tire of it.
As my list grew, love for my husband and for God swelled, too, fed by thankfulness and splashing over the confines of my heart, like a happy fountain.
I embarked on a secret gratitude campaign, not simply telling my husband “thank you,” (actions, not words, are his love language), but rather showing it with my smile, my attention, and my kindness. As he pored over his computer the next evening, I massaged his shoulders, feeling his tense muscles relax. I brought home some of the pricey protein bars he likes. I even traded the oversized T-shirt I slept in for a pretty nightgown.
Over the next few days, I watched a change come over his expression and body language. He perked up like a parched sapling after a summer rain and our relationship blossomed under the warm, nourishing sunlight of gratitude.
Meet Leslie McLeod
Leslie McLeod is a California artist and writer, who loves beauty and a good story. She helps women navigate their second act with wisdom and grace through her monthly blog, articles, and book-in-progress for families caring for their aging parents. She and her husband raised two terrific humans, co-own a law enforcement tech company, and laugh regularly at their very silly rescue mutts.
Where to find her . . .
Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.
If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.
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If you would like to cultivate rhythms in addition to gratitude that will empower you live on mission in your neighborhood, check out Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors. This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase the book.
