How To Choose Gratitude When Everything Is Going Wrong
About to be real frank here: a few weeks ago, I was at my desk in my home office, and I looked up at the ceiling fan and had a freaky thought. Would that fixture be strong enough to hold my weight?
Honestly, if I were seriously planning to end my life, I would not choose hanging. Not by ceiling fan or anything like it. But the fact that my mind even went there made me realize just how much my current situation is affecting me.
This time last year, I was working what felt like my dream job with a nonprofit, and my debut novel was being strongly considered by a major publisher. My parents were both healthy, and I was still holding out hope that the biweekly physical therapy I was enduring would take care of my frozen shoulder. Things weren’t perfect, but I was excited about what the future held.
In fact, looking back, I wonder if I knew just how good I had it.
Because since then, I’ve endured four surgeries related to my shoulder issues, my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I was rejected by the publisher, and like a cherry on top, I lost the job.
Maybe I hadn’t thanked God enough. Maybe I wasn’t even grateful enough.
Something’s Gotta Give
When I was approached to write this piece on gratitude, I had to laugh. After all, I’m in the thick of one of the most difficult seasons of my life—professionally, personally, physically, and above all, mentally. But I got to choose when my article would be due and released, so I said a prayer and selected a date in the distant future.
Surely, something would give by then.
It’s not that I don’t practice gratitude, even in the midst of struggle. After all, if I spent my life waiting for things to be easy before I was grateful, I wouldn’t get much practice. I don’t say that in a poor, pitiful me kind of way—I really don’t. I freely admit that most of the difficulties I’ve found myself in are directly in line with my own poor decisions over the years.
But lately, I feel like I’ve been doing a much better job of putting my best foot forward, pursuing healthier relationships, starting every morning with prayer and spending more time than ever in my Bible. So, why are the things that should be easier dragging me through the fire instead?
I am weary. I am battle-worn. And to be honest, I am having a harder time being grateful.
Writing about Writing about Gratitude—How Very Meta
A few days ago, I had a thought that perhaps (just perhaps!) I would be able to write something even more impactful because of my trials.
Then, an opportunity came about that made me think perhaps (just perhaps!) one big piece of this totally jacked-up puzzle might be falling into place after all. I might finally have something to be thankful for.
But here’s what’s funny—
I won’t know if that piece will fall into place until the day after this is due.
So, where does this leave me? How do I produce anything meaningful—something that doesn’t sound trite, and something that doesn’t make it clear I’m writing from a place of deep dissatisfaction?
Perhaps this can be a new spin on gratitude. Or not so much new as reimagined.
I faced 2025 with some trepidation. But my word of the year came to me more clearly than it ever has before.
Expectation.
Expecting restoration. Expecting redemption. Expecting healing.
For me, gratitude comes from having hope. Knowing that I’m not just wishing for these things but can expect them.
As reliably as my credit card bill will roll in…as definitively as I’ll need to develop a thick skin to pursue the writer life…as surely as my arthritic joints will ache when it rains and my mother’s Alzheimer’s will progress—even more certain is this:
God is never not working. He is never not using each and every circumstance for our good. To draw us into reliance on Him and to take every opportunity to prove His love for us.
So, my gratitude is in knowing I can expect Him to fulfill His promises. It’s rooted in remembering that what is seen is temporary. It’s in the comfort I have from believing no matter what goes wrong in my world, hope remains.
And who wouldn’t be grateful for that?
Meet Jessica Stone
Jessica Stone is the author of Beauty in the Bittersweet (release date May 2025). She is a trauma survivor and storyteller who writes faith-fueled contemporary women’s fiction rooted in the complexities of mother/daughter relationships and cleverly thought-provoking romantic comedies that point to Jesus.
After an illness nearly ended her life, she came out of a lengthy coma with a clear image of angels and demons warring over her body, certain that what she’d witnessed during her comatose state had been an actual glimpse behind the veil.
Her life story is messy, but she is certain that redemption is possible, restoration is coming, and hope remains.
Find out more at jessicastonestories.com and connect on socials @jessicastonestoryteller.
Where to find her . . .
Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.
If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.
