For the Planners: How to Practice Gratitude When Life Happens
I am a planner. When I was in middle school, I had life planned through my mid-thirties. School, job, marriage. I thought I had it all planned out, like a color-coded calendar only I could see. I just assumed that if I worked hard and loved God, life would follow my reasonable sequence.
But, then life happened and the things that seemed certain started to unravel. I didn’t end up going into the profession I expected, I didn’t get married when I expected, I didn’t get the job I expected. Life wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t what I expected.
That subtle difference, the gap between what was and what I thought it would be, quietly eroded my gratitude. I found myself struggling to be grateful for the amazing things I did have, because how do you give thanks when you’re grieving what you thought would be?
Even When Life Derails Your Inner Planner
In 1 Thessalonians 5:18, we are told to “give thanks in all circumstances.” Not for all circumstances. In them. Gratitude in the middle of disappointment is not pretending the disappointment doesn’t exist. It is not minimizing grief or rushing to a silver lining. It is not baptizing pain with a Bible verse and moving on. It is choosing to acknowledge that even here, especially here, God is near.
We often postpone gratitude until circumstances improve. We tell ourselves we will be thankful once the breakthrough comes, once clarity arrives, once the ache subsides. But biblical gratitude does not wait for resolution. It is anchored in remembrance.
The Pattern of Lament and Remembrance
The Psalms follow this pattern repeatedly, lament followed by remembrance. The psalmist cries out, questions God, and grieves, then recalls who God has been. Gratitude comes not because the situation is fixed, but because God’s character is steady through it all. That reminder has reshaped how I practice gratitude when life doesn’t go like I planned. Instead of trying to force myself to feel thankful for things I’m struggling with, I began smaller. Sometimes with general things, or more abstract, but it’s not what you’re grateful for, it’s getting yourself in the habit of gratitude.
Starting Smaller Than You Think
To help myself get into the habit of gratitude on a regular basis, I placed a piece of paper on the refrigerator door and started adding something daily. No rules or expectations, just taking a moment to find something about my life to be grateful for.
Some days the gratitude felt profound:
- That God is not surprised by my circumstances.
- That His presence is not dependent on my emotions.
- That He has provided what I need, even if it’s not what I would have chosen.
Other days it felt almost embarrassingly simple:
- Sunshine in the Midwest (which feels like a minor miracle in winter).
- Pants I found on sale that actually fit well.
- A conversation with a friend that reminded me I’m not alone.
But that’s the point. Gratitude does not have to be dramatic to be transformative. It is less about what you name and more about the posture you cultivate.
Gratitude doesn’t have to be full of fanfare. It’s just a simple declaration that disappointment does not get the final word. It makes room for tears without surrendering hope, and reminds us that while we may not understand the chapter, we trust the Author.
When Gratitude Is Just a Whisper
Gratitude, in seasons that do not make sense, becomes an opportunity for deeper alignment with God. We align our hearts with what is eternally true, even when what is temporarily painful feels louder. If we do that, over time, something will shift. Sometimes the circumstances, but always our hearts. Our vision widens, our grip loosens, and awareness of God’s nearness deepens.
If you find yourself struggling through the heartache of a plan that did not materialize, you are not spiritually deficient for struggling with gratitude, you’re just out of practice. Start with a whisper, “Lord, I don’t understand this. But I thank You that You are still here.”
That whisper of gratitude can become the very place where your hope begins again.
Meet Tara Zimmer
Tara Zimmer is an ordained Assemblies of God minister, writer, podcaster, speaker, and ministry consultant. For more than 15 years, she has served in vocational ministry, helping churches build strong foundations, navigate change, and develop processes and people. She is the founder of Ministry Communications Co., where she equips writers, speakers, and faith-based leaders to communicate clearly and faithfully in a rapidly changing digital world.
Tara writes and speaks about faith in seasons that feel uncertain, disappointing, unexpected, or disruptive. Her work explores identity in Christ, grieving expectations, and the courage to wrestle with hard questions. She holds degrees in Organizational Leadership and Religion and Pastoral Counseling. Tara lives in Ohio with her husband, Anthony, and their toddler son. You can learn more about Tara at tarazimmer.com.
Where to find her . . .
Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.
If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.
