As my therapist explained, it sounded like I was experiencing PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) symptoms and that I was having triggers; gratitude was the last thing on my mind. I was sitting there with eyes full of tears, my husband next to me on our living room couch, as the therapist continued to explain my diagnosis through my computer screen. 

Disbelief overwhelmed me, as did sadness. I also felt like someone punched me in the gut. And shortly after, I was taken over by anger. I think I went through all the stages of grief that day. I kept thinking, “This isn’t my fault; all of these things were done to me; I didn’t ask for this.” As all these thoughts raced through my mind about how unfair life had been to me, again, gratitude didn’t cross my mind. 

An Unexpected Trauma Therapy Discovery

I dedicated last year to going through trauma therapy, specifically PTSD therapy, and it was not easy. It’s difficult to relive painful events, feel uncomfortable emotions again, and sit in them instead of pushing them to the side. You’re mentally, emotionally, and physically tired for days afterward. As the memories unravel, other memories arise, and then you realize there is more to work on. It’s years upon years of trauma unraveling because one event leads to another and so forth. 

As the year went on, the more therapy I did, the more I learned about myself and the more I learned about God. I understood more of the complexity He created us with. I understood more about how our bodies, minds, and brains work. We are amazing and complex creatures made in the image of God, and trauma therapy helped me realize all of this. 

Gratitude in a Trauma Story?

So, where does gratitude fit into my trauma story? Well, in November, I attended a gratitude webinar at work. The host asked us to think about things we were grateful for outside of the usual things we are thankful for (family, house, etc.). We listed things about work and other areas of our lives. The webinar helped prompt a newsletter post about what I was most grateful for that year. One of the things I wrote was access to trauma therapy resources. 

Not everyone has access to therapy; sometimes, finding the right therapist can take a while. And trying to find the right therapist can make the process frustrating because you’re seeking help. But having the right therapist is crucial for recovering from trauma. So, the fact that I was able to dedicate a whole year to trauma-specific therapy is a huge privilege I won’t take for granted. 

I am grateful for this privilege and for sharing my story to inspire others to seek help. God has given certain individuals the skills and talent to provide professional help to those who need to overcome trauma. 

I wouldn’t trade my story for another. It’s mine and through God’s grace, it has brought me to this place of gratitude, where I can embrace both the brokenness and the blessings. 

Meet Heidy De La Cruz

Where to find her . . .

• Website
• Substack
• Work with Heidy
• The American Dream in The Eyes of Immigrants Podcast
• Instagram
• YouTube

Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.

If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.