This Is How to Move From Acknowledgment to Appreciation
It’s ingrained in moms. It’s probably as old as communication itself. From the very start of kids first forming words to engage with the world around them, there was surely a mom beside them stage-whispering:
“Did you say ‘thank you’?!”
At the store to a kind clerk. At a neighbor’s house while trick-or-treating. To grandmas and grandpas and uncles and aunts. Occasionally even as a sarcastic reminder to thank their exasperated mother—e.g. “thaaaanks Moooom” drawn out in goofy voice until they repeat it back.
I have a mom who used to say this to me, and now I say it to my young kids. In doing this, there is the hope of instilling in the next generation the habit to, at the very least, acknowledge others who do something considerate for them.
A Thank You in the Moment Is Just Plain Polite
We get and give thanks all the time. We say it in response to something that leaves us feeling “pleased or relieved,” as Oxford Dictionaries says in its definition. To be fair, sometimes we say it out of politeness, or even automatically.
But you know when you hear or say a word so many times that it loses its meaning? (That phenomenon is called semantic satiation, by the way.) I think “thank you” can become that–we say it so automatically that it’s more of a reaction (and sometimes a mindless one) than a genuine response.
One morning my oldest—who is nearly a decade into speaking words at this point—noticed me in the kitchen and looked me in the eye.
“Mom, thanks for making lunches for us every day,” he said, giving me a small hug before getting his shoes on for school.
My heart melted. It was a thank you I didn’t have to urge or coax. This small thank you from my son made me feel like I made an impact; like my worth wasn’t small or insignificant; like I wasn’t just making another grilled cheese.
Instead of a nod of acknowledgment, he gave me the gift of appreciation. Maybe, just maybe, this was becoming less of a gut reaction.
Gratitude Is When That Action of Giving Thanks Becomes a Part of Your Character
It’s a frame of mind that we cultivate by constantly noticing and acknowledging (not just as a one-time thing). It’s an active and ongoing practice, an attitude we carry with us even if things aren’t leaving us feeling all that pleased or relieved, or even if the moment has passed, or even with something that happens so often it could be taken for granted, like making lunches.
It’s the kind of perspective that Jesus wants for us: “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). We can really only be in a state of rejoicing and thanksgiving at all times when we’re aligned with God and our eyes are open.
Gratitude Makes a Lasting Impression When It Is Woven Into Our Relationships
It shows a genuine appreciation not just for what the person has done for you, but who they are. Appreciation, according to Oxford Dictionaries, means “recognizing the full worth of.” What an incredible thing it is to be seen and valued for who you are. It makes relationships less transactional and builds connection.
I definitely want to train my kids to be polite and acknowledge the efforts of other people that help them out. But what’s more, I hope our family cultivates an atmosphere of gratitude. One that extends beyond the moment, beyond the front door, beyond the circumstances.
Imagine if our culture was geared this way? More than just a quick thank you, we learned to live with an attitude of expressing appreciation, of noticing what not everyone else sees, of seeing people at eye level and encouraging them to live up to their full worth, of looking beyond our circumstances and praising God out of faith no matter what happens in our lives.
How about you? How will you notice the work of God or others in your life and express appreciation today?
Meet Jenn Schultz
Jenn Schultz is the author of She’s Not Your Enemy, and she typically writes about messy faith, shaking off insecurity, and pursuing God’s purpose confidently. Her mission is to empower women to ditch shame and striving by finding identity in God and freedom in abundant grace.
She is a wife and mom who reads too many books at once, drinks decaf coffee, and speaks in scriptures and movie quotes. Find her @jennschultzauthor on social media and at jennschultzauthor.com.
Where to find her . . .
Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.
If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.
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If you would like to cultivate rhythms in addition to gratitude that will empower you live on mission in your neighborhood, check out Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors. This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase the book.
