How to Find Grace for Yourself and Others (For Enneagram 8s)

Dear Challenger,

You’re a rock that steadies others, die-hard strength that looks out for the weak, focus and grit that helps the rest of us show up more fully in our own endeavors. But beneath your tenacity is a tenderness that can feel unnerving. Some days you struggle to find grace for yourself within your sky-high personal standards. Can we talk about it?

You’re one to push yourself harder than anyone else ever would. You don’t let yourself off the hook if you could have exerted more effort. But being the strong one comes with a lot of pressure.

Constant pressure to keep it all together, protect those you love, be invincible.

Unfair pressure to be confident and never complain. Never show weakness. Never, ever cry.

But there are days that almost break you. Pieces of your life that feel out of control. And too little grace for yourself in these moments.

How to Find Grace

Stepping into the hotspot–with your fears, failings, faults, and flaws in plain sight–sounds awful. But what if these tender areas are just the sort of things that can help you find the grace you need?

Let’s spell it out straight: It takes true strength to name your weakness, and invite God into it. Letting down your guard lets God in and helps others feel close to you.

Let's spell it out straight: It takes true strength to name your weakness, and invite God into it. (Twyla Franz quotes for Enneagram 8s)

My Enneagram 8 friend, God is strong—so you don’t have to be. He’s in control—so you don’t have to be. He is perfect—so you don’t have to be.

God’s not wowed by what you can master or your high-capacity energy. He’s not impressed with what you’ve done–for yourself or others.

But God is moved when you move towards Him. He cherishes the sound of your voice, the turn of your attention, your stilling to be present in His presence.

You’ll find grace when you admit that you need God’s strength.

Grace to be a beginner.

Grace to try again.

Grace to let it be enough.

Grace to lean on others.

Grace to borrow another lens.

Grace to be moldable in God’s hands.

This is what I hope you’ll hold onto today: It’s not all up to you. You can let go. You can fall forward into grace–soak in grace–so you can freely extend grace, first to yourself, then to those around you.

Invitation to Process with Jesus

Let’s carve out a quiet moment right here. It’s safe to be vulnerable with God.

Where do you most struggle to give yourself grace?

List what comes to mind in a journal, on your phone, or in a whisper right in God’s ear.

What lies have you believed about these particular struggles?

What truth from God’s word nulls these lies?

Here are a few verses to pick from if you need more ideas:

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.

– Ephesians 2:8-9 NIV

I am at peace and even take pleasure in any weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and afflictions for the sake of the Anointed because when I am at my weakest, He makes me strong.

– 2 Corinthians 12:10, The Voice

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,

– Romans 8:1 NIV

It is God who arms me with strength

and keeps my way secure.

– Psalm 18:32 NIV

Finally, pick a verse that resonates and put it somewhere you’ll see it often–on your dashboard, mirror, computer, or phone wallpaper, perhaps. This will help deflate lies that say it’s all up to you.

When you feel agitated, angry, or under intense pressure, return to these words of truth. The repetition helps re-write the narrative in your mind.

Give Grace Away

Before you can find grace for the people around you, you’ve got to find it for yourself. Because strive as you might to gentle your tone, soften your intensity, or grow in empathy, you’ll flat out fail unless you’re fueled from within by the love, acceptance, and grace God extends to you.

Before you can find grace for the people around you, you’ve got to find it for yourself. (Twyla Franz quote for Enneagram 8s)

We give from what we receive. That’s the way God’s grace overflows through us. We soak in how God sees us and it changes how we not only see ourselves, but other people. We accept His grace when we least deserve it, knowing we can never earn what He gave for free. And then we pay it forward.

So when you feel squeezed on all sides, remember this: God is the ultimate protector. The one we can always trust. The one who uses us for His glorious work because of our weakness, not in spite of it.

May I pray for you?

God, this is my friend. Lately life has felt like a lot. Give her the courage to tell You about it. To bring her questions and her honesty. Be her strength before her own runs out. Advocate for her as she advocates for others. Overwhelm her with undeserved grace.

May she find grace for herself in Your bottomless grace–then give that grace away to the people around her.

This I pray in Your name, Jesus. Amen.

A Gift for You

Before you go, there’s a gift I’d love to tuck into your hands. It’s four beautiful lists for Enneagram 8s, highlighting

clues you might be an Enneagram 8
how you can use your strengths to mirror God’s grace to your neighbors
and (for the rest of us) how we can best missionally love the Enneagram 8s we know

You can grab the Enneagram Neighboring Lists. below. Each list is available both as phone wallpaper and as a printable pdf.

Bonus: you also get the four lists for each of the other Enneagram numbers!