When an Unexpected Surprise Doesn’t Meet Expectation, Try This
Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness.
Colossians 3:17 MSG
My Expectation Was Unmet
It was early in the morning when I walked out to get my morning coffee. Sitting on the counter was a delicious cinnamon roll. My sweet husband had gotten up early and braved the wintry weather to get me a morning treat. My mouth was watering as I heated the roll and fixed my coffee. He knew I loved sweet gooey breakfast treats.
I sat down in a comfy seat in front of the fireplace and took my first bite with great expectation. It was dry, bready, and not as sweet as I had anticipated. The first words out of my mouth were, “What’s wrong with this?” Not a single word of gratitude to my husband for his unexpected efforts, but a critical comment with disdain instead.
“Well, good morning to you, too, and thank you, dear, for the unexpected surprise!” he playfully replied.
I immediately backtracked and became defensive, making excuses for my response. When I finally expressed my appreciation, it was a futile attempt.
To make matters worse, I have been focusing on cultivating a thankful heart and practicing an attitude of gratitude. Instead, I failed to demonstrate appreciation for those whom I love most dearly. It happens when I least expect it, and instead of apologizing, I become defensive and try to make excuses.
Oh, it’s easy to express gratitude when everything is going well, and I am well-rested. However, the challenge arises when I am tired, distracted, or my expectations of others aren’t met. Some examples that I know I am guilty of include when the trash was taken out but one room was missed, the car was cleaned but the windows were still dirty, or even the kitchen was cleaned but the counters had crumbs on them. Instead of responding to my husband or children with gratitude for the effort made, I start complaining and pointing out what they left undone.
When Your Expectations Aren’t Met, Try This
Throughout his letters, Paul reminds early believers not to complain and grumble, to be content in all circumstances, and even to be thankful in all things.
This reminds me that when I respond with criticism or defensiveness, I am not building a positive connection. Relationships thrive on love, appreciation, and sometimes, biting my tongue. Thus, as I work on cultivating an attitude of gratitude, my goal is to plant the seeds of thankfulness in all I say and do. At the same time, learn to recognize and pull the weeds of discontent, criticism, and defensiveness.
What’s one way you can demonstrate appreciation to someone today?
Dear Lord, I come to you with a contrite heart. I know I have been selfish in my attitudes and expectations around those I love most. Help me to recognize when I become defensive and critical and cultivate the attitudes of love, appreciation, humility, and kindness. I appreciate your patience with me as I falter. May I demonstrate that same patience to others? Amen.
Meet Peg Arnold
Peg Arnold Speaker, Author and Drama Queen for Jesus, encourages others to embrace their God-given value, with humor, drama, and heartfelt stories. A counselor by training, Peg connects personally by sharing both the joys and challenges of life as a mom, wife, nana, and mentor. Her passion for equipping women is contagious—whether over coffee or from the stage.
Her latest book, Making Your Message Memorable, won the 2025 Golden Scroll award, and her devotional Devotions for the Distracted Heart received the 2022 OASIS award. She has also written for Chicken Soup for the Soul, YouVersion, anthologies, and blogs. Now living in Colorado near her kids and eight grandchildren, Peg continues to inspire others to see that their stories matter and have purpose.
Where to find her . . .
Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.
If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.
