Do This to Love Well When Your Energy Is Low
Depleted. Disconnected. Deficient. Have you felt any of these lately? Like you are on empty—like you’re trying to simply survive the day, and you have little energy left for much else. You want to live well and love well, to see beyond the right-in-front-of-you obstacles and inadequacies. What if more is possible? What if opening our hearts and lives to others when our energy is low doesn’t have to demand more of us that we can actually give?
Begin here if your energy is low
Today I dare you to dream. Find a space that encourages your creative mind to wander. This might entail stepping outside and feeling the fresh air filling your lungs. It might be filling your favorite mug with tea and cozying up somewhere with natural light. It might be turning up your favorite playlist in noise-cancelling headphones, grabbing a journal and pen with ink that flows easily, or going for a run.
Once you’re ready, begin by inviting God to show you how near He is and how deep and wide and high is His love for you. Then ask Him to plant His dreams inside you, and spend a few moments simply listening.
What would it look like for you to live fully alive, present, and engaged in the life that is yours to live?
What areas of yourself have you guarded or withheld? Would what it feel like to let those things go?
What does true friendship and community look like?
What would it look like to love well and live well in each of the relational roles you fill?
What dream feels too big to let your thoughts linger there?
What whispers are stirring your heart right now? Take another minute to write them down so when it’s easy to dismiss them in your thoughts, you can look back at what you’ve written.
When our focus narrows, we get stuck in a small world. We zero in on our insufficiency and deficiency, cast our eyes inward. The less energy we have for the everyday things of our lives, the less we dream, and the more we tune out everything that feels unnecessary.
But bear with me here as I ponder. Perhaps what we tune out when we are sapped of energy is actually the key to unlocking more energy. Perhaps our focus is not too narrow, just not directed in the right direction. Perhaps more is possible.
Understanding low energy
Let’s briefly explore how the Enneagram can shed light on why some of us so often feel so low on energy. The Enneagram, if you’re not familiar with it, is a tool that helps us discover the way we see the world, what motivates us, compassion for and greater understanding of people who see differently than we do, and how very much we need each other.
On the Enneagram, the two numbers possessing the least amount of energy are Nines and Fives. Both Enneagram Nines and Fives may feel they just don’t have it within them to be fully engaged relationally with the people around them. One struggles with apathy and the other with retreat. Both can easily keep the truest parts of themselves withheld.
I know this because I am a Nine on the Enneagram. Embracing openness—letting myself be seen, even the unpolished and unperfected parts of me—pushes me to grow against my grain because it’s not my default. It’s easier for me to listen and empathize and support, but keep myself out of view. I don’t want the attention and I’m not comfortable being embarrassed. It’s so much easier to only show as much of myself as I want others to see.
The low energy of Nines stems from a deep need for peace, calm, and harmony—and it takes a good lot of energy to ensure the boat is never rocked. Nines can become shells of themselves, going through the motions, succumbing to the distractions that pull them in every direction as they try to create a place where they can experience inner peace and in the middle of it all, forgetting to actually be themselves.
My Five friends also have low energy, but for different reasons. For Fives, the energy they possess has limits, and they must carefully decide what they have the capacity for, because when the words and the energy is gone, there is nothing left. These gentle, wise, and thoughtful friends are content to turn inward, requiring little, needing nothing from others.
Regardless of the comprehensive list of reasons resulting in our low energy, we don’t have to face our every day feeling drained of life, feeling there is nothing within us to give as we seek to live missionally. How can we combat our low energy and really live into the lives we’ve been given—to embrace wholeness, to show up, to be present and engaged, to thrive rather than survive?
#1— Adjust your focus
We start with redirecting our focus.
The exercise we did at the beginning was to expand our vision to see that more is possible. You are not insignificant. You matter. And you plus God, regardless of your personality, is a brilliant display of His glory.
If you’ve been believing the only impact you can make is small, may you know today that God sees you. He sees your heart that is learning each day to love Him more fully. He sees how you require little for yourself, how you want to take care of it all, how you feel the weight of keeping all the things going but not the weight of His gaze upon you.
Focusing on ourselves and our limitations reduces our energy. We see what is or what we want to avoid and expend precious energy keeping everything the same. Lifting our gaze and allowing dreams to swell in our hearts is immensely life-giving. When God comes into focus, we can see further—past the things that sound appealing and comfortable at the moment to how those same things, in excess, starve us of energy for the things that matter.
When we find ourselves especially low on energy, it’s time to find a different energy source—one beyond ourselves, one that never dries up.
#2 – Let others in
Both Enneagram Nines and Fives do well to let people around them in close enough to have to be vulnerable with them. Nines need to see how healthy conflict strengthens relationships, and that avoiding all that disrupts the peace causes something within them to nod off to sleep. To be vibrantly alive, the Nine needs others who see differently that she does, and this is best found in the context of community. Fives likewise need drawn into relationships with people who won’t give up on getting to know them, who show them how much they contribute and that needing others is a good thing.
Know yourself and show yourself is a good mantra to adopt for those who, like me, struggle with letting yourself be seen. Even introverts deplete their energy store if they withdraw from community. Though time alone to recharge is essential, a regular rhythm of opening up to others through community is likewise important if we are to fully refuel. When we drop the masks and open a little to others, God too has greater access to our hearts.
I’ve found that approaching openness with others as an all-or-nothing doesn’t work well for me. But baby steps do. Rather than pressuring yourself in every situation, look for one small step you can take at a time. Inch your way forward. These little baby steps—a moment lingering in your front yard, raising your gaze to meet another’s eyes, sharing a brief “me too” in conversation, asking for help in an area that you’d usually not let on your lack—moves you towards greater authenticity and connection with others.
#3 – Regularly refill your tank
Adjusting our focus and letting others in will both move us away from the empty line. Another practice I’ve found immeasurably helpful is to regularly refill my tank. I’m talking about the things that make us come alive—the ones that fulfill the Howard Thurman quote:
Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
What hobby or passion stops time for you? Is there a cause that doesn’t feel like work when you volunteer hours? Is it creating something, sharing something, or leading something that helps you see beyond your here-and-now life?
Pay attention to which things refuel something deep within you, and do them often. This will fill you with new energy, and replenished energy will enable you to fine-tune your focus and continue leaning into community.
These three practices—adjusting our focus, letting others in, and regularly refilling our tank—are all interdependent. Each begins a chain reaction, and all keep the momentum going.
Today, if you are standing here on the edge of dreaming, I want remind you again that God sees you. He sees your heart. He sees your desire to live for Him and be intimately connected to Him. And it moves His heart. You move His heart.
Let’s pray.
Jesus, only You can lead us in the way of abundant living. Would You take us by the hand and guide us forward? Show us Your glory and help us to share it. In Your precious and holy name, Lord, we pray. Amen.
P.S. Did you know The Uncommon Normal is also a podcast? Tune in on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, or Spotify.
Change your actual life in less than 5 minutes per day!
You can change your actual life in less than 5 minutes a day because baby steps truly can change the trajectory of your life. If you want 2021 to be the year you actually start living on mission in your neighborhood, this little book (available as a paperback and on Kindle) will help you get there. Each of the 30-day devotions takes but a few minutes to read, but they will lead to lasting life change.
If you’d like to check out Part 1 of the devotional FREE and also gain access to the rest of the missional living resources I’ve created for you in the new For You library, let me know here where to send the unlock code!
