How to Detach Self-Worth From Your Helpfulness (Enneagram 2s)
Dear Helper,
There you are.
You’re quick to see the needs in front of you, but sometimes it feels like no one sees you.
You are more than the warm, smiling face greeting us at the door. More than the volunteer we count on for an enthusiastic “yes.” More than the way you welcome both friend and stranger with the hugs we all love.
Sometimes your worth gets all tangled up in what you can do to serve others. Your helpfulness is a beautiful reflection of Jesus inside you—true. But let’s detach self-worth from all the things that require you to bend backwards or burn out.
The truth is you don’t have to outgive, out-serve, or out-help the rest of us in order for God to be pleased with you. God already cherishes you, and nothing you can do will make Him love you an ounce more, or less.
Rest in this: you don’t have to prove yourself worthy.
God sees you—the countless ways you serve with your one giant heart, the generosity that comes easily to you, the way you tend to everyone else while pushing aside your own needs—and He chooses to be there for you. Without fail. Without condition.
He says you’re priceless beyond measure. That He’d go to the ends of the earth for you—and He has.
What does that mean for you?
It means that you’re free to love like Jesus, with no strings attached. You can thrive in your cheerful hospitality and fill your heart through filling needs, but you don’t have to feel overwhelmed, alone, or used.
You, Too, Are Held
Let’s pause here for a moment, in the quiet space where it’s just God and you.
It’s safe to practice being honest. In fact, when you name the buried-deep stuff in the presence of Jesus, you give Him access to heal your heart.
What feels overwhelming right now?
When do you feel most alone?
In what ways do you feel underappreciated or used?
Talk with God in a whisper or on paper. Invite His help to sort through the little white lies you’ve given real estate in your mind: that you’re selfish, that you should never say “no,” that it’s wrong to have needs.
You are no less valuable than the people you love to help. No less deserving of someone going out of their way to make you feel cherished. No less loved by God than the people you serve.
As you talk through your questions and inner wrestlings with God, know that He treasures this time together. Hear His tender promise to you:
Have faith in Him in all circumstances, dear people.
Open up your heart to Him;
the True God shelters us in His arms.
You’re a gem for holding the rest of us up when we need someone who not only cares, but is willing to sacrifice her time, convenience, and comfort to assist. But you too are held. Can you feel the arms of Jesus encircling you?
It’s His great joy to listen, to affirm your heart, to remind You that He already thinks the world of you.
How to Detach Self-Worth From Your Helpfulness
Your worth, friend, is defined by God–not what you do for others. Believing this down to your toes will help you detach self-worth from your natural bent as an Enneagram 2 to be helpful.
There are times you’ll disappoint someone else. It’s still okay to say no so the yeses you give are joyful and genuine. You have permission to pause before you commit and ask God if this is His nudge or you taking on a “should.”
Setting boundaries will help you keep your motivations pure when you long to feel needed. Sometimes growth is stepping out of the way so someone else can step in to bless.
Steep in Scripture that reminds you that your identity in Christ hinges on Him, not you. Because God never wavers, your value never changes.
Here are a few truths from God’s Word to remind you of your truest identity. Say them aloud until you begin to believe them.
- I am “precious . . . honored . . . and love[d]” (Isaiah 43:4).
- I am “chosen . . . holy and beloved” (Colossians 3:12).
- I am heard (1 John 5:14-15).
- I am a reflection of God (Genesis 1:26-27).
No matter how beautifully clean your home is when you welcome your guests, no matter whether you outdid yourself on a homemade spread or air-fried your Costco favorites, God never un-chooses you, never avoids you, never finds you a disappointment. Let His words settle in your heart: “You did not choose Me. I chose you, and I orchestrated all of this so that you would be sent out and bear great and perpetual fruit” (John 15:16, The Voice).
He’s tickled when you love big, when you serve selflessly, when you give generously. God designed you to reflect His “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23). But the fruit of His Spirit is not self-produced.
It all comes back to Him. Him choosing you first. Him loving you whether you reciprocate or not. Him shaping, refining, and overflowing through you.
Christ first is the way to detach self-worth from your own efforts to love like Him.
A Commissioning and a Blessing
Friend, you are commissioned to light up the room. To bring the kindest joy and most comforting encouragement wherever you go. To be the hands and feet of our mercy-hearted Lord.
You hereby have permission to say “no,” set healthy boundaries, and be honest about the needs you’ve kept out of sight.
May you know how your tender, others-focused heart moves God’s heart. As you saturate in truth that your worth is determined by God, who dearly loves you, may you lean into your giftings and let God be your greatest reward.
P.S. To learn more about Enneagram 2s–including what we appreciate most about you, how you can use your strengths to mirror God’s grace to your neighbors, and (for the rest of us) how we can best missionally love the Enneagram 2s we know–To learn more about Enneagram 1s–including what we appreciate most about you, how you can use your strengths to mirror God’s grace to your neighbors, and (for the rest of us) how we can best missionally love the Enneagram 1s we know–grab the Enneagram Neighboring Lists. Each list is available both as phone wallpaper and as a printable pdf.
One quick tip for now: Give God space to fill needs too. Solving everyone’s problems for them can become a disservice if they rely on you over trusting God. Love and serve generously, but point people to Jesus as the One who knows their needs and takes relentlessly good care of them.
Just a friend over here in your corner,
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