How to Be Bravely, Beautifully, Authentically You

If I could write a letter to a younger version of myself, I’d say go that shy, brown-haired girl,

Dear you,

It’s ok to be you. Really, it is.

You don’t have to be the girl over there. I know sometimes it feels like life would be better if you were anyone else, but you can’t enjoy your one and only life if you’re living someone else’s.

You don’t have to be louder to be heard. You don’t have to be prettier to matter. You don’t have to be perfect to be appreciated.

You don’t have to be taller to stand up. You don’t have to be shorter to fit in.

You don’t have to be different. Just be you—the bravely, beautifully, authentically real version of you.

Sincerely,

You + 20ish years

I’d sit down next to that teenage girl sitting on her mom’s bed, wrestling with whether to list a made-up nickname on a summer mission trip application so just maybe she could pretend she wasn’t shy and all her fear would go away. This is what I would tell her:

Trying to be someone else can never take you very far, and the best way to find yourself is to find your way to Him.

When I wrote my own name on that line on the application asking what I prefer to be called, something in me understood it was not settling, but winning. Faking a name would only mean I’d have to keep faking my way in. Keep faking that I was brave and not over here on the other side of the world still quaking in my shoes. Keep faking that I didn’t overthink my words and decide often to remain silent. Keep faking the persona I wished I was but knew was not really me.

I have a hunch that I’m not the only one who’s ever wished to be someone else, or at least to not be themselves.

If we’ve got straight hair, we wish it was curly. If we’ve got straight hair, we wish we had natural curl. If we’re tall, we wish we were shorter. If we’re short, we think all would be better if only we were taller.

In short, we wish for the opposite of what we name as our lack.

And how quick we are to point out the things we don’t like about ourselves.

Somewhere along the way we’ve become accustomed to cutting ourselves down. Constantly comparing. Wishing we were less us.

Our internal critic seems have an unending supply of ammunition, belittling us and airing our flaws all day every day.

When have we had enough?

Enough of talking about ourselves in ways that would make us cringe if it were another conversation we were overhearing.

Enough of devaluing ourselves.

Enough of trying to not be ourselves.

I don’t know about you, but I want to stop going after what I’m not and learn instead to be fully me. I want to be both content with who I am and humble enough to know how many million ways I still need to grow. And I want to be real, really real, with my people.

We’ve been talking a lot about deep friendship. But it’s one thing to want our relationships with our family, friends, and neighbors to be rich and meaningful, and it’s another to begin to take real steps in the right direction.

One way we go deep with the people in our lives is to show up and just be real.

We can’t fake our way to deep friendship. We have to be bravely, beautifully, authentically ourselves, and that gives others the permission to be bravely, beautifully, authentically themselves too.

We can’t fake our way to deep friendship quote

If you long to

have meaningful relationships with neighbors, friends, family, and God
move beyond shallow conversations
drop the pressure to fit in, keep up, and please all the people
flourish in your own skin

here are some practical ways you can begin:

1—Speak gently to yourself.

Gentleness runs opposite the current of our culture, yet kind, encouraging words produce life. Speak gentle words to others, but don’t discount the importance of speaking gently to yourself, and about yourself, as well.

You are always and dearly loved by God! So robe yourself with virtues of God, since you have been divinely chosen to be holy. Be merciful as you endeavor to understand others, and be compassionate, showing kindness toward all. Be gentle and humble, unoffendable in your patience with others.
Colossians 3:12, TPT

When we practice kind, compassionate patience with ourselves, we are better equipped to extend it to others. Colossians 3:12 points us back to Christ, who teaches us how to treat those around us, ourselves included.

***If your internal critic is particularly strong, you might it helpful to learn about Enneagram 1s and how you can lean into growth if this is a piece of how you are wired.

2—Learn, then repeat, what God says about you.

When we’re floundering to find ourselves, our true selves, we need a fixed point to fix our eyes on. Let the never-changing truth of what God says about you reorient you. He sees beneath the facades you’ve worn like dress-up clothes, beyond the walls you’ve build to self-protect, and between the lines of the words you’ve said to please other people.

And what He sees is the beautiful, bravely authentic, true you.

Words become concrete when we speak them, so speak aloud truth about yourself that is grounded in the word of God. Look yourself straight in the eye as you remind yourself of what is true. Here are a few truths you can start with:

God “saw who [He] created me to be before I become me!” (Psalm 139:16 TPT).

God “[cherishes] me constantly in [His] every thought” (Psalm 139:17-18 TPT).

My faith is my “wrap-around shield . . . in every battle” (Ephesians 6:16 TPT).

I am “God’s chosen treasure . . . his very own . . . [called] out of darkness to experience his marvelous light . . . so that [I can] broadcast his glorious wonders throughout the world” (1 Peter 2:9 TPT).

*** Check out Joyce Meyer’s list of scriptural affirmations to remind you who you are in Christ for more truths you can tell yourself in front of the mirror.

3—Choose open.

When I find myself pulling back, shutting down, or not showing up, I come back to this one word I’ve whispered silently many, many times since I first chose it as my word of the year in 2019: open. When I choose open, I choose to be real. I choose to be myself. I choose what’s uncomfortable over what’s fake.

You can try it too, choosing open, in those little moments when you’re tempted to stay shallow, wear a mask, or play it safe. Leaning into open will point you in the direction of being wholly yourself.

4—Be brave for five minutes at a time.

My husband and I have been talking about how hope on horizon points us in a direction and helps us make sense of the right-in-front-of-us choices to do #thenextrightthing. It’s vision coupled with action that gives us momentum. So dream about what it would look like for you to truly be bravely, beautifully, authentically you, and then practice being brave for just the next five minutes.

5—Celebrate the little wins

The direction wins out over the pace. Every time. Taking the time to acknowledge the little wins along your new trajectory will fuel your momentum. It’s a journey of ups and down and corkscrews and starts and stops, this process of becoming bravely, beautifully, authentically you. Pay more attention to the wins than the losses and you will keep moving in the direction of wholeness and freedom in being the one that God created you to be.

May I leave you with one final prayer?

May we be kind to ourselves today. May we practice speaking gently to and about ourselves. May we remember who we are in Your eyes. May we see where we are and where we are going, and take little steps forward in the everyday moments. May we celebrate all the little wins that take us closer to be bravely, beautifully authentic.

May you be brave with Him,

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