It was just a year ago in July that I made the decision to return to teaching part-time and started planning for yet another school year. I had been a teacher for 20 years and enjoyed teaching English, language arts, and reading to grades 6-12. At one point, I chose to obtain an endorsement as a library media specialist and worked with both students and adults in libraries. I was looking forward to the return to my role of teacher-librarian and felt working part-time would also give me the time I needed to write on my blog and tackle other writing pursuits.

Each one, so worth loving

As August arrived, I started gearing up for what needed to be prepared for starting the school year. I had been hired at an alternative school, which I understood to be a school for students who struggled behaviorally or with some cognitive delays. I spent the first several weeks setting up a schedule for classes to come to the library for lessons, to check out books, to spend time reading, and to work with Makerspace items. It was a fun challenge to set up the library to make it feel welcoming and homey to students and staff.

Once the schedule of classes began, I started getting to know both teachers and students in order to build relationships. I wanted to be a positive role model to these students who were referred to our alternative school building and help them feel wanted and cared for.

One class in particular took me by surprise as I hadn’t worked with students who fell so low cognitively on the autism spectrum in the past. Of this class of four students, three of them were nonverbal. The other, *Eli, was quite delayed, but I could still have conversations and understanding with him as we learned how to communicate with each other. The other three were a bit of a puzzle to me as I didn’t really know how if I was getting through to them at all. I spent most class times reading picture books to them as I looked for signs of interest in the stories or the characters and in finding helpful learning for them.

It was in those times spent reading and looking for recognition in their faces that I learned little things about each of them. Besides Eli, who could speak words, point at items in pictures, and liked to help turn pages, *Karl would make sounds, sometimes mimicking an animal sound I had read about in a book. Another student, *Laura, was very hard to read, but she could bring out a smile from ear to ear, and I believed that she was content being with us, which her teacher confirmed as a huge step for her. The other student in the foursome, *Emily, was a 16-year-old who enjoyed sitting in the poufy chair and would sometimes flail her arms and legs when she was happy about something. I liked to assume it was something I had said or read about.

The students were also close to each other. I noticed this as I watched Eli help Laura calm herself when she would become frustrated or move away from the teacher, or when Karl needed to know that he should rejoin the reading circle after he wandered away. They were friends! They were comforted by being close to each other and to their special teacher who loved them dearly and showed this in her words and actions all the time.

Each student became more comfortable coming to the library as the school year progressed, and I had to admit how much I enjoyed having them there because they rarely, if ever, caused problems with their behavior, and I hoped I was making some small difference in their lives. What I didn’t realize at the time was how much of a difference they were making in my life!

One Sunday in April, I received an email message from the district director of our alternative school programs, telling the staff that a student had had a severe seizure over the weekend and had passed away due to complications. That student was Emily!

A life deeply missed

“No!” I gasped as the heaviness of that email hit me. That precious girl with an unknown voice but a larger-than-life presence was gone! Emily, the girl with the flailing movements–the girl with the peaceful and sometimes mischievous smile–that precious girl–was gone from our little group. It was a very difficult time for us, those who had been a part of the relationship with those classmates. The grief within the small group of now three and their teachers was very palpable. We were all friends–friends who understood we all had a “voice” of some kind, friends who had a relationship with one another, friends who would miss the presence of sweet Emily.

The funeral was a small but meaningful service, celebrating–yes, celebrating–the life of Emily. Emily’s teacher spoke the eulogy about meeting and become Emily’s teacher before any relationship had been formed; she told of the mountains of progress made as they learned to trust each other; and she shared about the love they had for one another. She mentioned relationships with Emily’s librarian (me!) and her art teacher as important in Emily’s life. It was then that I realized just how important Emily and her classmates had become to me.

They had taught me that while I didn’t have the experience of a full-time special education teacher, I had learned the importance of showing kindness, caring, and respect for all human beings, even when you couldn’t communicate in the “usual” way. It taught me that respect is important for all of God’s creatures. Most importantly, knowing Emily taught me how quickly one can learn to love someone different from herself when one has an open heart and has experienced God’s love for all those made in His image. Emily will be someone I’ll never forget because she taught me about “a life worth loving.”

Meet Mary G. Johnson

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Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.

If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.

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If you would like to cultivate rhythms in addition to gratitude that will empower you live on mission in your neighborhood, check out Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors. This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase the book.