How to Neighbor Well as an Enneagram 2: Enneaneighboring Summer Series

You might be an Enneagram 2 if

• You find “no” the hardest word to say.
• You are the most generous one in the room.
• You feel hurt when others don’t express their appreciation.
• You volunteer without hesitation.
• You intuitively know what others need.
• You downplay your own needs.
• You are a hugger.
• You worry that you’re being selfish.
• Feelings make more sense to you than logic or rationale.
• It’s hard for you to set boundaries.
• You struggle to see your own worth.
• You are a recovering people-pleaser.
• Being alone is awful.
• You have a high tendency to burn out.

“Wait, what’s the Enneagram?” you may be thinking? The Enneagram is a way to help you better understand how you—and others—see the world. On the surface, it may look like a personality assessment, but it goes deeper, putting a finger on why we do the things we do. It’s about our motivations more than it is about our behavior. And it can be an insightful spiritual growth tool as it encourages us to name the fears that get in our way, our blind spots and how others around us can fill in those gaps, and ways we can parent, neighbor, partner, serve, and communicate better.

Today, dear Enneagram two, we’re talking about you. We’re talking about your innate ability to identify unspoken needs. We’re talking about your deep love for both the stranger and your best friend. We’re talking about your selfless, untiring generosity.

We’re talking about how you rarely let yourself turn down a request for help, how you’re exhausted but don’t want to admit it, and how you don’t like to talk about your own needs. We’re talking, too, about your desire for others to need you—and how tempting it is to find your worth in what you do.

We’re talking about why we need you, how we can better love you, and ways you can use your strengths to neighbor well.

Somedays you feel more used than appreciated. Somedays you feel like no one cares about you the way you care about them. Sometimes you feel shame you can’t shake. Sometimes you worry you’re not worth being loved in return.

This is the truth I want to sink deep in your heart today: God sees you—your generous heart, the ways you selflessly serve others, the way you’ll be there for everyone else—and He chooses to be there for you. Without fail. Without condition. He says you’re priceless beyond measure. That He’d go to the ends of the earth for you—and He has.

You can come as you are, be loved fully as you are. You can let go of it all, love God, your family, your neighbors, your community with no strings attached because you don’t have to earn God’s love. You don’t have to prove yourself worthy.

10 Things to love about Enneagram 2s

1. She is quick to help when you need her.
2. She is tirelessly selfless.
3. She knows without even asking.
4. She will get her hands dirty in a heartbeat.
5. She is on your short-list to call if you need something in the middle of the night.
6. She inspires you to be more altruistic.
7. She offers insightful advice.
8. She is warm and open-hearted.
9. She never runs out of community service ideas.
10. She is relational and empathetic.

10 Ways to love your neighbors well as an Enneagram 2

1. You’ve got a superpower ability to identify needs. Invest in helping those who live right in your neighborhood.
2. Rally others to help you fill needs. You can help out and build community with your neighbors at the same time.
3. Remember that others aren’t able to see who needs help as quickly as you do. Work with others who have different strengths.
4. Own your mission. Clarifying your goals as a missional neighbor will help you say no when needed so you can be fully present for your yeses.
5. Ask for help. This may be the hardest thing you can do, but it will also open up doors for deeper relationships, which you crave.
6. Remember that you are worth no less when you disappoint someone. God says you are loveable simply because you are His—and His opinion of you trumps anyone else’s.
7. Say no sometimes. Every yes costs you something, and you compromise your yeses when you say yes to everything.
8. Give God space to fill needs too. Solving everyone’s problems for them can become a disservice if they rely on you over trusting God. Love and serve generously, but point people to Jesus as the One who knows their needs and takes relentlessly good care of them.
9. Let go of expectations when you serve. God sees what you do in secret, and He can reward you in ways that people cannot.
10. Invite others to hear the prayers you’ve prayed in silence.

10 Ways to better love your Enneagram 2 neighbor

1. Tell her “Thank you”—often. She can easily feel unappreciated.
2. Affirm her value. She feels she’s got to be helpful in order to be loveable.
3. Give her an out. She will have a hard time telling you no if you ask.
4. Reassure her that it’s healthy to set boundaries.
5. Remind her that God—not what she does for others—defines her worth.
6. Embolden her to identify and voice her own needs.
7. Join her efforts to help others in the neighborhood.
8. Invite her to social, self-care gatherings. She wants to be around people, but she needs to take care of herself too.
9. Encourage her to find a special place to connect with God away from other people so she’s not distracted.
10. Notice (out loud) her tendency to put others first.

Back to you, my Enneagram 2 friend. I know you’d rather not talk about what you need, but can we stay here just for a moment? Your tender, others-focused heart moves God’s heart, and He’s inviting you to a life of thriving in your giftings, but you can’t do it alone. You need other people. You need to sometimes say no. And you need to know that you never have to earn God’s love.

You don’t have to outgive, out-serve, out-help all the rest of us in order for God to like you. You can rest in the comforting assurance that your worth has nothing to do with what you do—and everything to do with Him. This will in turn empower you to love your neighbors with no strings attached.

Reflection questions for Enneagram 2s

1. What do you need to say no to?
2. Whose approval are you seeking right now?
3. What are you expecting in return?
4. Who is telling you what you’re worth?
5. If your life is an arrow, where are you pointing?

Just a friend over here in your corner,

---

---

10 Things You Might Be Doing That Keep Your Friendships Shallow

(+ 1 Simple Habit to Shift Your Direction)

If you long for deep, meaningful relationships, this is for you!

Change your actual life in less than 5 minutes per day!

You can change your actual life in less than 5 minutes a day because baby steps truly can change the trajectory of your life. If you want 2021 to be the year you actually start living on mission in your neighborhood, this little book (available as a paperback and on Kindle) will help you get there. Each of the 30-day devotions takes but a few minutes to read, but they will lead to lasting life change.