Pandora Villaseñor on Begin Within Gratitude Series: "I cried out to God, 'If You’re real, send someone to help me.' And He did. He saved my life."

I hurried out of the hotel ballroom where a group of moms were gathered to listen to a favorite homeschool author share stories about her life as a stay-at-home mom. As she reiterated her point that as moms, we had this amazing opportunity to bond and knit our hearts together with our kids, I ducked out and hoped no one would notice the tears I held back. They stung and blurred my eyes as I made my way through the crowded homeschool convention hall and back to my room.

I began to spiral. What was I doing there? I wasn’t like these other women. They were all stay-at-home moms who’d raised their kids in the church. They had supportive husbands and family. They had each other. I had a past.

Breaking destructive generational cycles

I’d been a Christian for six years, but before that I spent many years reinforcing destructive generational cycles that harmed myself and my kids. From abusing alcohol to failed relationships, I’d made decisions that threatened to eclipse my dreams of creating a better home for my children than the one I’d grown up in.

Pandora Villaseñor quote about destructive generational cycles for Begin Within: A Gratitude Series

I was the oldest of four with a dad addicted to heroin and a mom on meth. I became a mom at sixteen. By age twenty-six, I’d been married and divorced and had two sons by two different dads. At thirty-one, I couldn’t take my lifestyle anymore. I cried out to God, “If You’re real, send someone to help me.” And He did. He saved my life.

Here I was, a redeemed woman, married to a wonderful man who I met at church. My oldest son was all grown up and doing well. And now, despite working full-time, God had put it on my heart to give my youngest son something neither of my kids ever had, a chance to be homeschooled. But instead of being grateful, I was in my room crying hot tears into my pillow and thinking, “Why do all these other women have it better than me?”

This wasn’t a new feeling. Once I became a Christian and no longer self-medicated, I began to feel all the feelings I spent years numbing. This led to regular meltdowns and pity parties where I dramatically “took to my bed.”

But I didn’t want to be that way. As I studied the Bible and grew closer to God, I wanted to feel the joy I read about. The joy that comes from accepting His love and truly trusting in Him. Instead, I felt envious, sad, and angry. Then, on top of that, I felt guilty for not being more grateful!

How I discovered the antidote (and what it changed)

That homeschool convention was over nine years ago. I did end up pulling my tenth grader out and homeschooling him for the rest of high school while working full time. He needed it academically and spiritually. To get us both through that time successfully, I had to change my mindset.

I read books on mindset change and found a theme of gratitude which echoed all I’d read in the Bible about thanksgiving. I was especially inspired by Ann Voskamp’s book One Thousand Gifts to start my own gratitude list, hopeful that it would help.

I was skeptical at first. Gratitude felt too simple, too easy, to shift my entire mindset. But over time, intentional practices like making daily gratitude lists began to renew my mind (Romans 12:2).

To this day, when my heart needs it the most, sitting down to write a gratitude list feels elementary. But I do it anyway because experience has shown me that gratitude is the antidote to the yucky feelings like comparison, envy, and insecurity that still want to overtake and convince me that I’m separate from others. That life is a zero-sum game such that when others win, I lose.

Pandora Villaseñor: "But I do it anyway because experience has shown me that gratitude is the antidote to the yucky feelings like comparison, envy, and insecurity that still want to overtake and convince me that I’m separate from others."

When I take a moment to be still and invite the presence of God to lead me through a few moments of gratitude, my focus shifts away from all that I lack, to my father who owns the cattle on a thousand hills (Psalm 50:10) and has given me more than I could ever ask or imagine.

Meet Pandora Villaseñor

Pandora Villaseñor, a cycle-breaker who inspires and coaches others to break negative generational cycles and transform their challenges into gifts, shares how gratitude is the antidote on Begin Within.

Pandora Villaseñor is a corporate coach and host of the All Gifts podcast and blog. With twenty-five years’ experience in sales and leadership, Pandora is a cycle-breaker who went from being a teen mom on welfare to earning a six-figure income.

Pandora inspires and coaches others to break negative generational cycles and transform their challenges into gifts. Outside of the corporate world, Pandora coaches non-profit executive directors on fundraising and develops ministry leaders. Pandora lives in Los Angeles and holds an MBA from Pepperdine University and a B.A. in Psychology from Oberlin College. Her interests include reading, writing, dancing, spending time with her family, and snuggling with her dogs. Pandora is currently looking for agent representation for her memoir All Gifts.

Where to find her . . .

Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.

If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.

Creating Ripples

If you would like to cultivate rhythms in addition to gratitude that will empower you live on mission in your neighborhood, check out Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors. This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase the book.