How to Model a Life That Matters for Our Families

The pull to make a big difference, to live a life that matters, to be the change we wish to see in the world—have you felt it too? It’s human nature, I believe, to long to be connected to a purpose greater than ourselves. We were wired this way by a loving Creator who knows the importance of purpose to infuse meaning into our lives.

Yet the far-out search for purpose sometimes entices us to look beyond the right-next-to-us places. We overlook the faces of those in our own homes because they seem less consequential. Less important.

However, missional living invites us to write a different type of story than one that is punctuated only by the grandiose and heroic and highly visible endeavors to better the lives of others. Missional living takes us to humble places. Everyday places. Like the moments between being on time and being late to school as you rush the kids out of the house. The moments past bedtime when you have yet to get the child settled into bed for the night. The moments when you are groggy and under-slept but life goes on. The moments when you give more than you thought you’re able to for those whose thanks is not spoken.

Because it is here, where proximity is the greatest, that our impact is also the greatest. Our missional life doesn’t end here in the home, but it does begin here—in the safe places where we can practice modeling a life that matters because it truly does matter.

In Galatians 5:6, I find it spelled out: “All that matters now is living in the faith that is activated and brought to perfection by love” (TPT). All that matters is looking like the One who matters most of all. And learning to look like Him matters more than everything else.

Yet how exactly do we model it for our families?

Let’s begin here.

3 markers of a life that matters

Huddled in small groups around round tables, my husband and I, along with the other attendees of Everyday Mission Training, listened intently and wrote down pages of notes. This weekend intensive was one of a series of workshops intended to grow disciples who make disciples.

While I could talk to you for days about the nuggets of wisdom we gleaned, there is one in particular that answers our question today: what marks a life that matters? If a life that matters looks like Christ, of utmost importance is that we are exemplifying the words, works, and ways of Jesus.

I don’t have the exact words to quote from the workshop, but I did find quotes from two of the key thought-leaders behind the Everyday Mission workshops. “Disciples listen to and obey the WORDS of Jesus, imitate the WORKS of Jesus, and do everything in the WAY of Jesus,” shared Mike Breen, founder of 3DM Ministries and author of Building a Discipleship Culture, in a Twitter post. Author, coach, and world-wide teacher of gospel-centered missional living, Caesar Kalinowski phrased it this way: “True discipleship is built on the words, ways and works of Jesus.”

Often, as we learned that day, one or two of the three key ingredients are accentuated. But none are more or less important than the others, and maturing Christians grow in all three areas. This is how we look like the One who matters most.

Imitating the words of Jesus

What better place to learn Jesus’s words than with our families in the everyday rhythms of normal life? We can intwine what we are learning in Scripture, and what God is speaking into our current questions and circumstances, into conversations as we prepare dinner, walk the neighborhood, read Bible stories, drive to the dance studio, and gather around the table for meals. We can speak truths of who God says our children are as we pack the soccer bag or tuck them into bed.

Recently I had an idea to fill our girls’ rooms with Bible verses. We shopped Michael’s for pretty paper that coordinated with their rooms and have been adding new verses every week. One daughter struggles to see herself how God sees her and the other is highly self-sufficient and wants to be in control. Filling their rooms with the words of Jesus that speak into these tensions is one way we are pointing them back to the Truth-Speaker and His words.

Imitating the works of Jesus

We can all think of someone who talks big but doesn’t follow through. It’s a pattern easier to recognize in others than ourselves. Yet in order to lead our families well, we must invite God to sift through what’s inside our hearts. Are we like the one described in James 1:23 (TPT) who “[listens] to the Word and [doesn’t] live out the message you hear”?

God’s word sets us free in every aspect of our life, and we demonstrate and teach this to others when we are like this one described in James 1:25 (TPT):

But those who set their gaze deeply into the perfecting law of liberty are fascinated by and respond to the truth they hear and are strengthened by it—they experience God’s blessing in all that they do!

Children learn through observing and copying, and we can nudge them towards kingdom living simply by creating family habits of serving each other, our neighbors, our communities, and other places around the world.

Imitating the ways of Jesus

There is something deeper, truer to the essence of Jesus, than to just know what He says and copy the things He does. It’s doing it the way that He does. As we grow in Christlikeness, we also imitate the quintessence of who He is.

To reflect His heart through what we do and say, we must first be intimated acquainted with Him. Learning to imitate the ways of Jesus is an invitation to abide, to come to Him just because we want to be near Him, not because of what He can give us. It’s falling in love with the person of Jesus. The only place we learn to imitate the whole of who Jesus is is the next-to-Him place.

Modeling a life that matters for our families

Today if you feel too insufficient to disciple your family, rest in this truth. Discipleship is a process, a gentle cultivating. We don’t just disciple others once we are doing well reflecting Jesus’s words, works, and ways—we disciple as we ourselves are growing in all three of these areas. We disciple as we share where we said or did the thing we wish we hadn’t, and what God is leading us to do about it.

The close proximity that families share is prime training ground to be real about our process of growing in Christ-likeness so we can make it a together-journey, not just an individual one. If we are to pass on a life that matters, we must first live it, and living it begins in our homes, with our families.

I’ll close with a prayer of blessing.

May your desire to linger in the next-to-Him place grow. May you know that you don’t have to be enough, or worthy, or perfect, because He is all of those things, and as His child, you are covered in His righteousness. May you know that He is with you as you lead your family in reflecting in increasing measure the words, works, and ways of Jesus. In the precious and holy name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.

Change your actual life in less than 5 minutes per day!

You can change your actual life in less than 5 minutes a day because baby steps truly can change the trajectory of your life. If you want 2021 to be the year you actually start living on mission in your neighborhood, this little book (available as a paperback and on Kindle) will help you get there. Each of the 30-day devotions takes but a few minutes to read, but they will lead to lasting life change.

If you’d like to check out Part 1 of the devotional FREE and also gain access to the rest of the missional living resources I’ve created for you in the new For You library, let me know here where to send the unlock code!