How to Have Courage When You Are Afraid

“Courage doesn’t always roar; sometimes courage is the tiny voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.” How true are these words about courage from Mary Anne Radmacher! A mistruth about missional living that once deterred me from getting to know my neighbors is that it was a life available only to extreme extroverts or insanely courageous people. I am neither. I’d choose peaceful harmony over adventure most days and still feel that twinge of hesitation at the beginning of so many conversations. Yet I know that doing life with my neighbors put together so many puzzle pieces I’d carried around for years. If you, too, feel less than courageous, like you are stuck between wanting to adopt a missional lifestyle and feeling pitifully inadequate, there is hope. I know it’s possible to have courage even when we are afraid because I’ve experienced it.

For most of my life, I gave myself a pass on getting to know my neighbors because it was more comfortable to live soft-spoken than use my voice to connect and engage. I had community elsewhere, but my neighbors were just people I lived near and occasionally saw in passing.

Perhaps today, you would describe your relationship with your neighbors in similar words. And perhaps, like me, you are no longer content to live your separate life parallel to, but disconnected from, the lives of your neighbors. Perhaps you too feel a stirring in your heart, a whisper that there is more to life than this.

I pray that as I share more of my own journey to courage in the midst of my fears, hope will begin as a rustle, then the whirring of wings in flight. Because courage is found when we name our fear and still decide it doesn’t get the final say.

Courage can look like going against the current of our default responses. Only we and God who knows us inside and out knows the internal dialogue that ensues when we face something outside our comfort zone. God is honored when we choose to say yes even when that yes is not obvious to anyone else. Courage is trusting Him despite our fears and responding in obedience without looking for fanfare.

Sometimes courage is not beginning something new, but the not giving up. It’s tenacity. Grit. Here too, courage can take us beyond where we are comfortable, away from the shore and into open water. For some of us the initial yes is where courage is most needed, and for others, it may be in the follow-through where we find ourselves most stretched, most in need for something beyond ourselves to fuel our courage.

I’ve been on a journey that has grown me in both the initial-obedience courage and the pressing-on courage. I’m learning that going against my grain is fruitful, even when it chaffs—and that missional living requires that I continue stepping forward even when I still feel afraid. I write to you not as one who has overcome every fear, but rather as one who is still learning to live missionally despite it.

If you are familiar with the Enneagram, you may have already guessed that I am a 9. If you haven’t heard of the Enneagram before or aren’t really sure what it means, it’s a model of understanding the way we are wired so we are aware of our natural blind spots and can be intentional about growing in ways that push against our grain. It’s similar to a personality test, but the goal is not to box you in but to release you to be the most vibrantly healthy version of yourself possible. Learning about the Enneagram also has a side-effect of growing us in compassion and grace for those around us who see the world differently than we do.

A default of being an Enneagram 9, also called a Peacemaker, is that I can care so much about weighing all the perspectives, listening to all the voices, that I forget to give any volume to my own voice. I fall silent when I wish to engage, doubting my own contribution, hanging back instead of showing up. Last year when I chose open as my word of the year, I knew this was a direct pushback to ingrained nature I’ve become more aware of through my Enneagram learning. Armed with holy anticipation and my own stubbornness—which I’ve also learned is common to 9s—I set out to go counter to the paths I’d well-worn throughout the years—to blaze a new trail, not because I felt brave, but because I refused to give up. I felt the Holy Spirit had impressed the word open on my heart, and I knew I had to follow whenever He led.

And thus I began facing my fear head-on. When I wanted to retreat from conflict—wishing to avoid conflict is another thing about Enneagram 9s that rings true for me—there stood the word open, inviting me to choose another way. When I wanted to hang out in the casual conversation realm, there was the word open, challenging me to go deeper, to show my authentic self, even the less than pretty parts like parenting struggles and questions I’m wrestling with. When I wished to keep to the schedule I had already decided upon, there was the word open urging me to be interruptible.

Let’s talk science for a moment. Perhaps you remember the concept of inertia from school: objects in motions are liable to remain moving and non-moving objects liable to continue on in their stationary state. Inertia was a word I rarely thought about until I began reading about the Enneagram. But since it’s often used in describing 9’s, I began paying attention. Enneagram 9s’ nemesis is that they can fall asleep to their own life—their dreams and passions—because they pay attention to the needs of everyone else, largely so they can keep peace present—but in the process forget their own needs and voice. They can be become passive—spiritually and emotionally lethargic. In this state, unless something begins to move them, they will likely continue on, apathetic, unmoving. Yet the opposite is also true. Grow passion inside a 9 and they will gain momentum. Give voice to a 9 and they will learn how to speak up and show up and be more present and alive in their life. I’ve felt the pull of both.

For me, the fear of starting something new is louder than the voice that tells me to veer from the course I’ve chosen. Once I commit, I will do everything I can to muster the strength and courage to keep going. And in this, I’ve landed on what has been instrumentally helpful in growing my courage to live missionally even when I’m scared. I begin with a baby step—just one—and then another, and another, and another. The baby steps begin to inch me towards the direction I want to go. It takes less courage to start small, and the long-term effect is far greater, because if I don’t make my first step doable, I simply won’t do it.

Today, you may be feeling stuck—stuck because you’ve caught a glimpse of the richness of missional living and you don’t want to ignore it—stuck also because while you can’t return to the way life was, the going forward still feels overwhelming. So as we wrap up, I am going to share my top five tips for moving towards mission even when it feels intimidating.

1) Name your fear. What is it that holds you back? Do a little soul-searching and invite the Holy Spirit to bring understanding.

2) Lay it down. Let Jesus take it. Even time it pops back up, surrender it again.

3) Lean in to listen. What is Jesus asking you to do next?

4) Stay near Him as you take that first baby step.

5) Keep going. Make a habit of asking and responding. Baby steps taken in succession will keep moving you towards mission When the starting line stays behind you, it loses its power to immobilize you with fear.

What a promise lies in these words from Isaiah 41:13! I’m reading from The Message version:

. . . I, your God,
    have a firm grip on you and I’m not letting go.
I’m telling you, “Don’t panic.
    I’m right here to help you.”

May I pray for you, fellow journeyers on the road towards a mission-infused life?

Jesus, only You can replace fear with hope, take our small utterance of yes and change the trajectory of our lives. Only You can open our eyes to see our neighbors as You see them. Only You can heal wounds from lies we’ve believed about ourselves, only You can let freedom come crashing in. Only You can bring the impossible within reach. Only You can release hearts weighted with fear to soar with courage. Today we offer you our trembling yet willing hearts, our hesitant but surrendered yes, our ordinary but purpose-powered lives.

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P.S. Did you know that The Uncommon Normal is also available as a podcast? Tune in to Apple Podcasts or Spotify to listen!