Neighborhood Missional Living When I Am an Introvert

This post is part of the “Obstacles to Neighborhood Missional Living” series, and it is available on both the blog and podcast. To view all the topics in the series, including where to read or listen to the other posts/episodes, click here.

If this title caught your attention, chances are that you are an introvert, or at least hope to better understand the inner workings of the introverts in your life. I will also guess that something in you is curious whether missional living in your neighborhood and having an introverted personality can coexist. Perhaps you are hopeful that it can.

Hello, fellow introvert!

So I’d like to begin by assuring you that I see you. I see you because I’ve been there. As a child who was painfully shy, I am well versed in the feelings of wishing I could speak up, lighten up, and feel less awkwardly out of place. I’ve overanalyzed whether I am truly an introvert today and have finally concluded that I fall squarely in the middle of being an introvert and an extrovert. I see both sides, feel both sides. The truth is that starting a conversation will always take an uncomfortable step of brave for me that some of you may rarely face. Yet I leave a conversation feeling far more energized than I do when I am alone.

So what happened to help that quiet and withdrawn child now intentionally engage in conversations with my neighbors? How did I move from keeping the work God was doing in me private to letting my life be accessible to my neighbors so the work God is doing in me can spark hope, instill truth, and breathe life into the people I do life with? How did I learn to prioritize people over my fear, connect with neighbors out in our front yard, and open my heart, home, and life to my neighbors?  Please stay with me as I share some insight from my own journey towards living missionally in my neighborhood.

Insight from an introvert.

One of the most emboldening phrases I’ve carried with me is one I wrote a while back: the direction is more important than the pace. Friends, we are well acquainted with comparison, but she is not a friendly companion. When we compare how engaged we are with our neighbors to what someone else’s life looks like, we quickly become overwhelmed. Intimidated. And stuck. There is a fine line between what inspires us and what shuts us down inside.

I return often to the phrase the direction is more important than the pace because it reminds me to not compare—to accept grace to take baby steps. It also opens wide my heart to let God-sized dreams land, because while the rate of growth ceases to be my focal point, enlarged vision is paramount. I want to see where I am heading, but not pull ahead of my Guide. He sets the pace. My job is to travel with Him.

How does this practically play out for me? It means I start with a baby step like a choice to do something out in the front yard that ordinarily we would do inside or raise a hand in hello to cars pulling up to the intersection across from our driveway. It means I practice listening for Holy Spirit promptings and responding even when it stretches me a bit outside of my comfort zone—and then I give space for relationships to grow organically. It also means that I spend time daily drawing close to my Father, because when I spend time with Him, I more easily remember that my identity determines how I live, but how I live does not define who He says I am.

Another mantra that has been tremendously helpful for me is one I picked up through learning about the Enneagram. If you are not familiar with the Enneagram, it looks a whole lot like a personality profiling test, but it goes layers deeper, pinpointing the motivations, beliefs, and core needs beneath the outward expression of our personality. I have found it to be a needed launch pad for growth that challenges me to go “against my grain.” Something about Peacemakers (or type 9 on the Enneagram) that rings true for me is the concept of inertia, that an object in motion tends to stay in motion, and a stationary object, unmoving.

As a border-line introverted Enneagram 9, starting something new feels really intimidating. Once I start, though, I find it’s not as difficult as I had imagined in my head. Once I began applying this to living missionally in my neighborhood, I found that a baby step is both a less-intimidating start and an open door to a new habit. After I start, if I keep taking baby steps, I stay on the other side of the starting line, and the fear of beginning loses its power over me. Perhaps you too need a gentle reminder that forming a habit of baby steps will keep you moving towards living missionally in your neighborhood.

Baby step ideas for introverts.

You might be hoping for more baby step ideas, so I will share some, though with a caveat. You may want practical and applicable, a sequence of steps to take, a checklist. But more than that, I truly believe what you heart desires is to feel free. Free to live a little more open, free to stop beating yourself up for all the ways you wish you had shown up but didn’t, free to believe that your past doesn’t define you. I am hoping to speak courage into your heart through sharing insight gleaned from my own journey because I think more than a how-to, you really need an I-believe-in-you.

So with that, here are some baby step ideas to help you lean into missional living in your neighborhood:

1—Enjoy a book out on your front porch or front yard on a nice day, and look up and smile at anyone you see outside.

2—Start taking walks through your neighborhood. Say a quick hello to anyone you see while you are walking.

3—Wait to close the garage door until after you have unloaded your vehicle. If you see a neighbor outside or a car driving past, raise a hand to say hello.

4—Keep your head up when you check your mail. Acknowledge anyone you see outside. If you can, find a reason to linger a moment outside. You might pull a few weeds or look through your mail.

5—If you have kids, bring playtime or snack-time outside to the front yard. Invite neighbor kids to join if the opportunity arises.

As you practice engaging in small ways with neighbors, you will become more cognizant of your neighbors being people with stories worth learning—people with immense value.

Introvert, don’t overlook your strengths.

Once I have had a short but meaningful conversation with a neighbor, it is easier to pick back up on the conversation the next time I see my neighbor. This brings up another point that I hope is life-giving for you: As an introvert you have strengths that you offer that may not come as naturally for someone wired as an extrovert. One of those strengths is your natural ability to listen well. In A Field Guide for Everyday Mission, authors Ben Connelly and Bob Roberts, Jr. write, “If, as we said last week, mission is compelled by love, then we must embrace listening as one of the most loving things we can do” (129). Lean into listening, and then ask a question or two to further engage in conversation. You communicate the value and respect you place on your neighbor by listening well and asking questions to further draw out their story.

My Hope*Writer friend Amber Adrian wrote about strengths introverts bring to the table on her blog, alternativegrace.com. In her post titled “introverts and ‘telling people about jesus,’” she writes: “I actually think that some of the main qualities of introverts also turn out to be some of the most effective tools for sharing God’s love.” She goes one to expound on the following bullets: 1) “They tend to cultivate deep relationships,” 2) “They often prefer a slower, simpler life,” and 3) “They value solitude and silence.” There are so many nuggets of gold in this post, and I’ll share the link in the show notes so you can read Amber’s full post, but I wanted to highlight one nugget that really struck me:

Because introverts have a lower threshold for stimulation, they often desire their lives to be less busy, less full of stuff, just less overall. Although it runs counter to the way even Christians tend to live these days, it’s clear that a slower way of being in the world helps us to embody our faith. When you live a simpler life, you’re able to be more aware and present, spending normal, daily moments with others, attuning yourself to God, and growing your sense of integrity in your life. 

Amber Adrian

Friend, I know how easy it can be to overanalyze, to talk ourselves out of something that takes a little more brave than we feel is within us, to withdraw from connection because we underestimate what we have to offer. But there are strengths that you alone bring to your neighborhood. We need community because we do have different strengths and giftings, different blind spots and areas where we need to grow. The goal is not to look like someone else, but to welcome the work God is doing in us, and give others in our neighborhood access to our life so the things God is growing in us can ripple out and encourage others.

Introverts can fall prey to seeing others’ giftings as more obvious or more valuable. If this is you today, I pray that you can feel God’s love reaching through your pain and disappointment and shame. As Mike Bickle writes in Passion for Jesus, “You serve a deeply loving, passionate God whose heart is ravished by the beauty of your sincere, devoted heart. You are so beautiful to Him that you take His breath away” (133-34). God sees you today, friend, and He says that who He created is good.

Moving forward into mission.

Here is a recap of what we have talked about:

1. The direction is more important than the pace.
2. Accept grace to take baby steps.
3. Forming a habit of baby steps will keep you moving towards living missionally in your neighborhood.
4. There are strengths that you alone bring to your neighborhood.
5. The goal for neighborhood missional living is to let the things God is growing in you ripple out and encourage others in your neighborhood. This means we need to give others access to our life.

Prayer for a mission-minded introvert.

In closing, I invite you to join me in prayer.

Jesus, You see through me. Nothing within me is hidden from you.

You see the ache and the longing, the fear and the need for belonging.

Would You give me eyes to see that You not only accept me, You see immense value and beauty in me?

Today I let go of that thing that has been holding me back and I instead take hold of Your hand.

Lead me forward, Jesus, one baby step at a time.

Adrian, Amber. “introverts and ‘telling people about jesus.’” Alternative Grace, alternativegrace.com/introverts-and-telling-people-about-jesus/. 21 Feb. 2020.

Bickle, Mike. Passion for Jesus. 1993. Reprint. Charisma House, 2007.

Connely, Ben and Bob Roberts Jr. A Field Guide for Everyday Mission: 30 Days and 101 Ways to Demonstrate the Gospel. Moody, 2014.

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